One Wobbly Step after Another....
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Doesn't it just figure? I have my new iPod Nano strapped to my wrist...I have motivation to burn...I have a new treadmill (which I haven't even tried out yet)...For once I WANT to exercise.....
So what's holding me back?
My body. (Feel free to be creative with adding a few adjectives in there).
I'm in the midst of a whopping flare. My body is swollen beyond recognition and pain is incredible. Exhaustion is a formidable foe as well. Yesterday, despite the early stages of "flare-dom" I had to go out for the entire day with my family...my visiting daughter and her boyfriend and my husband....to go and gorge ourselves on Japanese food and then walk ...and walk.....and walk at store after store. I had to use my cane which I haven't used for a while...and even then had great trouble staying on my feet. Even joints which had been replaced were hollering at me...which somehow seems to not only be unfair, but somehow breaking the rules.
But with this disease, there ARE no rules. I'm open season. It can shoot at me at will.
I"ve just discovered that I likely have Ankylosing Spondylitis in addition to the Psoriatic Arthritis (which is a twin sister or Rheumatoid ARthritis)....In AS the spine gradually becomes fused into one solid piece of bone....Forming a fragile, brittle spine where fractures can occur at the least provocation --and thus paralysis and even death are real possibilities. I have a bloggie friend who died of AS just about three weeks ago...and I'm still mourning the loss of her in my life.
In a week or two I have two appointments in NYC. One is with a famous rheumatologist at Joint Disease Hospital and the other is with a Spinal surgeon...to see if there isn't ANYTHING which can be done to at least reduce the chances of total paralysis.
But all this gloom and doom aside; I'm starting to feel some motivation once again to get my body in check weight wise and to TRY to strengthen it as well. Now that my downstairs is somewhat back in place post Hurricane Irene and the flooding she brought, I can work out in my 'gym" down there. I do have to tell you that that treadmill scares me to death. Its slow speed seems to me to be more like "full -speed-ahead" and it's a pace I'm not sure I can maintain with out tumbling off the machine.
Thanksgiving was just over the top in terms of how much I consumed. And that was maybe a good thing...becuase it was enough to turn me off and make me sick. Sick of being fat. Sick of eating garbage. I actually right now, have a kitchen full of healthful
ingredients...and very little junk so maybe it's time to get serious here, don'tcha think??
For a few months I've been floating around the outskirts of Sparkdom...and just this past week agreed to colead the RA Team. I'm actually excited about this...and hopeful that it will pull me once more to the "center" where I need to be in my mindset and in my involvement here at Spark.
So once more, I"m speaking big words of enthusiasm...but this time with the knowledge that they will have to be followed by tiny steps...because right now, that's all this body will do. But the trick is to get moving in the right direction. Just to move.....and to keep moving.