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Thursday, February 09, 2012

I was noticing how strange it is that confrontation causes me to totally forget who I am. I become a scared 7 year old girl who wants to curl up and disappear. I forget that I survived the worst day of my life (so far - knock on wood!) when I was 19 years old. Not that life has been absolutely peachy since that day, but nothing has been harder.

So what is it about a little confrontation that makes this strong girl tuck her tail and run? After all of my soul searching, I can't figure it out. It makes me feel physically ill. I stop caring momentarily about myself and my choices. For a split-second, I become self-destructive all over again.

I want my life back. I want the dark cloud to lift. And for once, I know exactly where it hurts and why. I know what would make it better. But unfortunately I have no control over another person's actions...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks everybody! We are struggling with my brother's addiction and I am really fed up! I care about him, but I am sick of being lied to and taken advantage of. I know that addiction is not personal, but it is really hard to detach from a lot of what's going on because it FEELS personal. I have been talking to my mom the past few weeks and we are both just so disappointed. I've been texting my dad (we don't have a very good relationship) and I told him what's going on because I want him on board to help my brother get treatment, but his responses are very short - it almost seems like he thinks I am being nosy but it's not like he would have known if I hadn't told him. He isn't very close with my brother or me, and he is too caught up in his own self-loathing to notice anybody else.

    3343 days ago
  • MIMMA_
    I think we all have the same feelings at one point or another.

    Now that you've acknowledged what's going on, maybe you can take a closer look at your reactions to confrontation in the past, and make of note of how you wanted to feel instead of how you did feel. Keep that information in your 'databank', and when you're in a confrontation again, draw from the bank?

    3347 days ago
    Only you can do it! You have the tools in place. emoticon
    3347 days ago
    don't be a victim...be your own hero and fight the demons with everything you've got.

    “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~Nelson Mandela

    “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Christopher Robin

    3347 days ago
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