Thursday, February 09, 2012
I was noticing how strange it is that confrontation causes me to totally forget who I am. I become a scared 7 year old girl who wants to curl up and disappear. I forget that I survived the worst day of my life (so far - knock on wood!) when I was 19 years old. Not that life has been absolutely peachy since that day, but nothing has been harder.
So what is it about a little confrontation that makes this strong girl tuck her tail and run? After all of my soul searching, I can't figure it out. It makes me feel physically ill. I stop caring momentarily about myself and my choices. For a split-second, I become self-destructive all over again.
I want my life back. I want the dark cloud to lift. And for once, I know exactly where it hurts and why. I know what would make it better. But unfortunately I have no control over another person's actions...