yay! You met your goals!!!....why so sad?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
fitting into smaller clothes
all sounds amazing and pretty encouraging. Right?!
I mean who doesn't want all that?!
I did! I do!! and I have!!!
I have accomplished all these things! So G-O me!!! it's taken 2 freaken years of hard work and consistency so again....G-O me!!! (picture the cheerleader with pom-poms in my hands)
But why so sad??
Being a private person I tend to only share the good things in my life but I think in order to be authentic I have to share the bad as well and authenticity in someone is rare and something I value. So I'm working on that. :)
However I have to be careful when sharing the bad. I only want to come from a good place; a place of growth and a place where I can offer more then just ranting (i think we get enough of those!) but a place where I can offer positive growth and advice. Rest assured we all live in the same world, you will (i hope you don't though!) encounter the same things.
There is a shift that occurs when a drastic change occurs in one's life (ahem specifically drastic weight loss and physical appearance in one person) is a shift in relationships and friendships. When we first build relationships, they are built upon first common interest and as those relationships grow, care and trust develop and you look for common support. I support you in what makes you happy and thrive and you support me in what makes me happy and thrive. It's not an understanding that is verbalized just expected I think. Simply wanting and wishing the best for each other. If only it were that simple.
In times of change, sometimes that expectancy of love and support is not offered in the friendship you once shared, suddenly the other person becomes a stranger. Unfortunately sometimes the positive changes that occur in one person's life creates a wedge between you and the other person that you could not have imagined.
Something that is told to a lot of people when they finally lose weight and gain confidence they hadn't had before is, "you've changed."
First of all, they are speaking of a negative change and can't possibly see the positive changes that have occurred. A negative change for me would be one if you harm yourself or if the changes you have imposed on yourself you now impose on others.
For me there was a change, no denying that physically and emotionally. I now felt good about myself, I finally felt like I was the best version of me I could be at that moment. While yes losing weight does not equate perfection in all things we are all continually a work in progress. In my eyes I felt I was supported when I was unhappy and overweight but now?? Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve to be confident?
I think I do!! so why so sad??
This experience has awakened my eyes to cherish and appreciate those friendships that support and love the old me and "the new me" because deep down my core is still the same. It's those people that love and support your change and cheer with excitement because they only want the best for you. No jealousy or ill-will just happy that you are happy and that makes them happy.
But there is that temptation to dwell on those relationships that bring hurt. You're constantly in a state of not understanding the rejection.
Why?? What did I do??? Why can't they be happy for me??
It's normal to dwell because in a way there is a death that occurs....without getting too dramatic here.
But truthfully there is a loss that occurs. The loss of the friendship you thought you had and that hurts.
All while this is occurring there is a lot of built up hurt that can lead to anger. I know....been there done that, realized it and changing it.
What do you do when hurt or angry?
**cry (many tears were shed)
(my thrill to "hit" the gym hard suffered a bit because I was too sad)
almost fearful of being "too confident" as not to "offend" anyone, when in reality I just want to be their equal, one in which my lack of confidence never allowed me to feel
**talk negatively about that person
(not proud but I'll own up to it, i realized that while I was trying to talk down about them, I was only trying to make myself feel better about myself after their actions towards me made me feel bad.......I was and am better then that, I will not stoop to that level anymore, that anger was turning me into someone I couldn't stand in myself, I will not feed anger)
A Native American Proverb that hit home
“A Native American grandfather talking to his young grandson tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred. "Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy. "Whichever one I feed," is the reply.”
I will not feed fear, greed or hatred. Only peace, love and kindness.
You should always confront the matter though. Go in a place of trying to understand their side and hope you can explain your side. While you have no control over their actions you only have control over your own. It would be naive to think that everything will go back to the way it was. It may (and I hope it does!) and it may not.
Sometimes acceptance of the issue needs to occur. You are in a different place and sometimes your place and their place don't coincide they way it once did. Don't wish or talk negatively towards the other person,
I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody. -Benjamin Franklin
This quote has really challenged me as I become mindful of the woman I want to be. Weight loss and physical fitness isn't just about fitting into a smaller size it's about being the best person you can be inside and out. What is it to be beautiful on the outside but it's your inside that needs tending to?
Don't dwell on the whys or wrongs that were done but always be hopeful that maybe one day the relationship can come back and be even stronger. But if it never does it's ok. You wish them only the best.
It's a journey right? Twists and turns, ups and downs. I truly only wish the ups in everyone journey but I realize had I not had the downs as well I would not have seen the faults in my own character. I can only own up to it, make amends and change.
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Be mindful of who you want to be in ALL things and work hard to become that person more and more everyday.