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Binge...No More!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I struggle with binging. There will be times where I can't think of anything else. If I am upset, had a stressful day, had my feelings hurt, completely tired or sometimes for no reason at all, I often binge. It feels good while I am binging but after I feel completely disgusted with myself. I get mad at myself for overeating. I get mad that I didn't have more self control to stop it.
But with joining sparkpeople and feeling so highly motivated to lose weight, it made me question why I do this? Why do I do things that I know will sabotage my efforts?
After pondering this for several days, I realized that it was more than just mindless eating. It is eating because I am afraid.
Now I know what someone else reading this may think; afraid...what is there to be afraid of?
I am afraid of letting go of...
- my past
- my shield between the world and me
- my routine
- my comfort (emotional eating)

For so long my weight has been there to stand between me and men. I have wanted to form a relationship with a man, but it hasn't happened for me yet. I often attribute this to my unhealthy weight.
But if I lose weight and still don't have a relationship, then it is no longer a physical appearance issue. Then it is something so much deeper.
So yeah, I binge. But that ends today. I am making a commitment to myself (and to any readers) that I will not do it any more. Not even one more time.
I matter and being afraid is not going to stop me any longer! I refuse to be a scared girl. I refuse to let the unknown of the future, prevent me from having a healthy one.
Food is no longer my comforter. I know it is not going to be easy to stop this awful habit, but I am making the promise to myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    3193 days ago
  • B_MOO21
    Thanks!! I really am starting to believe in myself again. emoticon
    3195 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3406028
    Congrats on your realization! I know you can get past this, even though times will be difficult. Just stick with it, even when you really want to give in, and the results will come! Good luck!
    3195 days ago
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