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This Year is Awful

Monday, June 04, 2012

It's been a very difficult few weeks for me. I haven't had a lot of time to process it or really come to terms with a lot that has happened. My year went from being kind of crummy to being a downright disaster. Here are the basics:

I lost my job a few weeks ago
I found out my dad is emotionally abusing my mom and brother
My roommate tried to commit suicide

These are sort of the big things that have happened. There are various other smaller things like general loneliness and a general feeling of worthlessness but the three above are the things that are directly affecting me.

I think this is the hardest year of my life. I wish things would change or get better but they won't. It seems like with each passing month something new slips, breaks, or cracks.

I will admit, my job loss was kind of a good thing because, although my money situation is confusing right now, I wasn't happy at my work and I think, if I can figure things out, this might just be more conducive to my lifestyle. I'm trying to juggle unemployment, waitressing, and baby sitting to see if I can make ends meet. I've been out of a job for maybe 2 weeks now so, only time will tell.

I don't know what to do about my dad. I know there's nothing I can do about it from 3,000 miles away but it still worries me. I hope my mom and my brother really can just up and leave him but it's difficult for them.

My roommate is really the biggest issue. He's doing fine at the moment and seeing a therapist on Wednesday but I'm just not sure how much I can emotionally take right now. It seems like my world is falling apart around me and I'm pretending things are fine.

I also feel very strange talking about it. I feel like I'm whining or like it's unbelievable. How do so many bad things happen in a row? It's unfathomable. But those are the facts of the matter and trying to cope with them all is...harrowing.

That's the update, I guess. I try to keep an open mind and have the overall sense that things WILL get better...although I've had the same sense this whole year and it's only gotten worse. I just hope things turn around soon.

Sorry for the depressing entry. On the bright side, despite all of these goings on, I've managed to remain at my goal weight and even make a few more recipes come to light. Here are a few of them (something a little nicer to leave you all with!):

Creamed Spinach

This recipe was a complete failure. WAY too salty. I'd like to try it again at some point but, not for a while. It's scorned me like a bad lover.

Walnut Tacos

This came out AMAZING! It really tastes like taco meat! All it really is is ground up walnuts, soy sauce, and spices. VERY tasty. The cheese is Daiya vegan cheese which tastes pretty good melted.

Quinoa Porridge

This is such a great breakfast. Like oatmeal but with a different, nuttier flavor and a nice texture.

Roasted Asparagus and Mashed Faux-tatoes

My asparagus could've been better but the mashed cauliflower came out incredible! Almost exactly like mashed potatoes only way healthier.

Roasted Brussels Sprouts

I never had Brussels sprouts as a kid and I have no idea why. They're awesome! An easy recipe too. It's just olive oil, salt, and pepper. They're fun to cook too since you get to shake them every 5 minutes or so. Definitely a keeper.

Hope that leaves you a little more positively than when you found me anyway :P
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MAMABEE480
    I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. Life is really rough sometimes. I will be thinking about you and praying that things get better soon. I'm glad to hear that you're holding up though. Sometimes the only thing we can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other and just that is an accomplishment. You haven't lapsed in your healthy habits though and that is great.

    emoticon
    3016 days ago
  • SPLASHDOG1
    I'm so sorry. I've gone through layoff's myself (which suck big time) and to pile on all the other stuff is just horrible. All you can do is take it day by day and do your best that day to get through all the bad stuff. Just plow on through til it starts getting better. It does seem like when things go bad it starts to pile on though. I hope you find a new job - that you like - soon and all your other worries clear up too. I know it's tough to feel emotionally okay when your friends and family are going through so much but you can always talk or vent to your friends here on Spark. We can at least lend you a cyber shoulder and send hugs from afar.

    emoticon emoticon
    3028 days ago
  • IAMAHAPPYGIRL
    They say bad things come in threes. I hope the bad is over for you. Good job maintaining your weight. That's such a hard thing to do when faced with so much stress. I hope the job juggling works out for you. "When one door closes another one opens." Hang in there and take care of yourself!
    emoticon
    3028 days ago
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