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The real me

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I gained this week. To be completely honest, I didn't weigh in last week, because I couldn't find the wii remote, so I just left my weight the same as the week before. I haven't given it my all or even a part of my all. I did this last round, too! At this point, I'd like to finish the challenge at my start weight! I'm beginning to think that I should take time off from BLC. I know that BLC and the Bombshells aren't the problem. I know that it is me, myself, and I. I have been very negative this round, especially in my own head. Each time I see a challenge, I think "why bother"... This isn't the real me, though. This isn't who I want to be. This isn't who I was a year ago. I don't like who I am becoming. I am not giving up this round, though (even if there are some who think that I should). I will give it my all for the next 5 weeks and stop beating myself up. I will stop thinking negative thoughts, or at least push the thoughts out when they come.

I did get up this am, again and walk with my friend. Came home had some quiet time, weighed in, *gasped* and then signed in (finally) to my biggest loser wii game. I did the 12 minute beginner program after walking 30 minutes, then the 6 minute cool down. It isn't as though I ran a marathon, but I am getting started, again!!

I am still feeling, down, though. If I really sit and think about it, I see my whole world falling apart. Nothing is really as I want it... I don't say this to evoke any sympathetic posts. Prayers would really be awesome, though. I hate that many of you never got to meet the lady that I was last year, before Gaby's accident. Probably most of you think that I'm just a whiner and a complainer. That isn't the REAL me. That isn't the ME that is inside of all of this FAT!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I knew you before Gaby's accident. You were such an amazing encouragement-for me and many many others! Do not get down on yourself. Take this one day at a time. There is definitely an end to your pain. It might take longer than you want but you will get there. In the meantime, let others be your encouragement-no apologizes for the life you are leading. You are not a whiner or complainer-you are a wife and mom that has experienced a tragedy and are now trying to pick up the pieces.
    2767 days ago
    emoticon Life sometimes throws us baseballs...and they sure hurt when they hit. Stay strong, put your faith in God and let him help you deal with some of the things that you are going through. Prayers for you and your family!

    P.S. You can be you again, just keep working for it.

    3140 days ago
    Thank you ALL for your comments! I am definately feelin' the emoticon ! After my emotional breakdown, yesterday, it was a great day! Honestly, I feel like I am failing in every area of my life, not just in the nutrition and exercise part... I just need to "get it together" and make baby steps in each area...I'm not going to be all that I want to be in one day!
    3142 days ago
  • IXCHEL23
    Sending you lots of emoticon Praying that you can get out of this funk, I know I've been through it, would feel terrible I just had no energy to do the TNT, LCW's, challenges and there can be so many factors as to why.
    Some for me were healthwise, I was deficient in vitamin D and feeling stressed from work. Started to taking vitamins and other stuff consistently and seeing my acupuncturist again and now feeling so much better. Take whatever time you need to re-focus, you don't want to feel pressured by feeling you have to be perfect in all our challenges, like Bonnie says 'participation not perfection."
    Us Bombshells will always be here for you! emoticon
    3142 days ago
    emoticon Praying for you. Loved both your blogs and I can certainly relate. You are worth it, keep pressing on.
    3142 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    I do understand how life can be real hard. Sometimes I feel as if I am not giving my all to the team and to myself but I do know that if I was not part of the team then I could not have kept any of my weight off that I worked so hard to loose. The fact that the challenges are there, helps motivate me to do something even when I don't feel like it. I am not give 100% everytime but I do participate. We just can't let the negatives take control of our lives. Stay strong and keep up the good fight. Never ever give up. You are doing a great job. From reading what you've done on the last two rounds that I've been with you, you have done a wonderful job. Keep doing what ever that is healthy for you but never give up. Take it one day at a time whether it is with BLC or not. Take care of you so you can take care of your family. And, you are in my prayers.

    emoticon emoticon
    3142 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1853891
    Your post left me speechless! My heart was so sad when I read it.

    I'm so sorry you gained. I know you know what do to get back on track! You're already starting to take baby steps, the best steps you can take towards making a lifestyle change. I'm pretty sure you don't want to just lose weight but you want to keep that weight off, so that's going to mean you're going to have to make lifestyle changes. It doesn't happen overnight. I'm at my weight goal, but I'm still working on making lifestyle changes so the weight will stay off and I can stay strong and able.

    Please don't leave BLC! There's going to be a longer break than in the past between BLC 19 and 20. Maybe that will give you the time you need to reenergize. We'd miss you too much if you left.

    The real you that I know, knows how to kick butt and doesn't quit. You proved that last round with everything you had to go through with Gaby. Just focus on the good things in your life, try to let go of the things you cannot change, and focus on the things you can. Let me know how I can help. I'm here for you, as are your fellow Bombshells!

    By the way, great job with your morning workout! emoticon
    3142 days ago
    Ok..I have been thinking how am I going to reply to this - then it snapped and that emoticon went off in my head! Turn the negative around and let's make this positive! It's not about what you haven't been doing it's what you CAN do and what you JUST DID! Sighing and all you still stepped on the WII and DID IT YAY! 2nd, what did you do..YOU came here and spilled your guts! Do you feel any better that you laid this out in the open and got it off your chest?! I hope so! You know why? Because I know you have it in you to dig real deep and push through! emoticon emoticon time! Ok now you say this isn't the REAL YOU...maybe this is your NEW REAL YOU! Maybe this is God's way of showing you your new life and how to cope with it! Now is the time to look at your life and find a way to make it work. emoticon Time to not look back on the past but look forward emoticon Nobody said anything about giving up and I know you are not going to give up - so now it the time to give it to yourself to sit down and have a one on one with yourself and find a NEW roitine that will WORK. emoticon Someimes life throws lemons our way and we make lemonade wehter they are good or bad lemons it's up to you on how you want your lemonade to taste emoticon I have a lot of faith in you and KNOW you will find your place again - might take a little bit longer that anticipated BUT what counts is you are moving in the RIGHT DIRECTION and making changed for the better!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3142 days ago
    First off....I have a emoticon for ya!!! WHY?? Because you got up and DID IT ANY WAY! You have ALREADY took a step in the right direction because sometimes, just getting up and Pushiing Play is the HARDEST thing to do! BUT YOU DID IT!

    We each have our own journies with different bumps and struggles. The 1st thing that needs to be done is identify...."wooooo, I'm off the path here...." which YOU have done! 2. Start making your way back! Which you HAVE done!! It is a LONG path, keeping pushing forward! Look to those around you! That is what spark is all about! Not just losing weight! But building support to help you LIVE LIFE! emoticon

    Thinking of you!
    BLC Numbers Guru
    Azure Destinations
    3143 days ago
    Oh my dear Sandy... All the emoticon in the world to you and this is not pity hugs. These are hugs to a dear friend that I can feel your suffering and just want to be able to reach out to you. I know the real you, you are a fighter and a go getter and you still are. I really dont think you should leave the BLC and I dont want you to. Why bother??? You need to get that thought out of your head right now, why bother is because you aren't happy where you are at right now, why bother is because you have goals you want to meet, why bother is because you want to be a healthier you for your kids, why bother is because you know you can do it.It is in there in your heart that fire is in there. You just got to dig deep and bring it out and like Tania said it can only come from you.There are days when I genuinely feel like giving up, I have been in a funk lately as well and I can just feel your thoughts and pain. Lets do this together!! I am here for you, name what I can do to help you through this, you want to do the Shred together again, virtually walk, or exercise? I am there, anything you need, we can and will conquer this together. You are not alone Sandy.

    You are Mama Da Bomb there isnt anything you cant do.You have been through so much and the fact that you are even still here proves out strong you are. It is good that you put this out there to give you more perspective on it.All of my thoughts and my prayers are with you. Lots of love!!!!!

    3143 days ago
    First of all huge emoticon

    Good step in putting it out there. Knowing that something needs to change. I don't know if not doing BLC will help out or not. Can you push yourself on your own?

    I want to see you succeed! You were my first co-cappie when I joined BLC- I know you can be a force to be reckoned with. A lot happened in your life and thank God things are getting better.

    Now time to refocus on you. As many challenges, TNT and LCWO we have and all the BLC stuff. The drive has to come from you. I know you can do it!! Mama DaBomb!!!

    Do YOU know YOU can do it? emoticon
    3143 days ago
    I understand. But I also know that it's the BLC that helps keep me tied to SparkPeople...and to the idea of getting healthy.

    Can you find a bigger goal to attach to? I am finding that the BRAG training team is helping me...because I HAVE to drink more water to be successful on my Saturday group run, and I HAVE to exercise during the week to be able to do the longer and longer "runs" (I'm still mostly walking), and I HAVE to (eventually) work on eating better to have that needed fuel.
    3143 days ago
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