Breaking bad (not the show :)

Yesterday was my first scheduled run in awhile. I hadn't ran in well over a month.

I wasn't able to hit the track as well prepared as I liked and was trying to adjust. The kids have done something entertaining with my IPOD which meant I was sans music. Work out pants were MIA since the move, leaving me running in light pink sweat pants. And my lungs weren't fully operating on the best capacity they've ever been.

Still. As I did my warm up lap on the track, I had to remind myself.

I am a runner.

Runners gut it out.

It's not going to be the most comfortable. But this isn't about comfort. This is about pushing limits. It's about putting one foot after the other and continuing to go when I think I don't have anymore. So my pace wasn't going to be the best ever. No PR's here. But I know



By the end of the first mile, I was having trouble with the steadiness of my breath. My energy however was awesome. While I had only planned for one mile, that inner drive in me said..



About half way into the second mile, I started flagging. I began breathing entirely through my mouth and dizziness hit. This isn't unlike what I felt when I first completely a 10k.. and this wasn't enough half of that distance!!

I was digging hard through my mental reserves to keep pushing through. This is what carried me that last half mile.


and

.

No matter how hard it was toward the end, I completed it. Then I went into my little corner of the gym and did yoga for a half hour since the studios were taken. Even in full shot of the rest of the gym goers. Which is usually difficult for me, especially in shot of other girls at my gym. Which almost always look as pristine as they come in. I never see them panting for their next breath. Never hear them cursing beneath it when they are lifting weights or holding a side plank for 45 seconds. Never see them struggle. But me? Here I was, sometimes open mouth breath. Red faced. My hair clinging to the back of my neck from sweat, looking like I was partly broken.

And for once, I didn't care. All that mattered is that I accomplished my goal. I was going to leave the gym wanting to crawl out of it's front doors, and anytime I can do that? Means that I've had a great day. Because slowly I am breaking away the parts that are holding my inner athlete from reaching her full potential.