CUTTING DENIAL AND DECEPTION ...
Friday, July 20, 2012
How often do we deceive ourselves, I wonder? And why do we do it? One answer might be ... to form a protective barrier around ourselves so as not to face the hard and scary things that beg our attention if we want to live better lives. It is just easier to hide out in denial and deception. Until it doesn't work anymore, no matter how crafty the scheme employed to keep it going.
SparkPeople is not a quick-fix for me. I have only been here three days, I think. Yet, a lifetime of fighting with my weight issues brings me here as one more attempt to permanently fix ME, not with a "fix" of some kind or another, but to press through to permanent victory of a healthy kind.
When it comes to weight loss, and all the many and varied attempts I have used over a lifetime, there is probably little I have not done or tried, ranging from very healthy to unbelievably sick. All that remained was the gastric bypass, for which I received approval, and then just couldn't go through with it.
I have gorged, and puked, and starved, and done laxatives and emetics ... anything to strip away weight with little regard for my health in the process. I thank God that those very dark days of my existence are long since gone. Now, I am just fat, and willing to work at everything healthy to achieve my goals.
No holds barred to HEALTHY. In an effort to break out of any form of self-denial/self-deception, I had a DNA test done to determine if I REALLY had the weight loss difficulties I have claimed to have all of my life. And not surprisingly, the results were just as I had really thought they were. Virtually no metabolism, extremely fat-sensitive, and gains weight very easily...to just put it all into a nutshell.
Working with a nutritionist, I now have a program of what I can or can not do ... or rather, I can choose to do anything, but I am choosing now to do what is right ... why keep putting off what I claim to be my goal? Permanent and healthy weight loss. And honesty, above all, honesty, with myself. If I blow it, I own it...honestly. If I make it, I celebrate it ... honestly, and with choices for celebration that don't center on food.
TODAY is the beginning of the rest of my life, and I am glad to know who I am in this without denial or deception being a part of the bargain.