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CUTTING DENIAL AND DECEPTION ...

Friday, July 20, 2012

How often do we deceive ourselves, I wonder? And why do we do it? One answer might be ... to form a protective barrier around ourselves so as not to face the hard and scary things that beg our attention if we want to live better lives. It is just easier to hide out in denial and deception. Until it doesn't work anymore, no matter how crafty the scheme employed to keep it going.

SparkPeople is not a quick-fix for me. I have only been here three days, I think. Yet, a lifetime of fighting with my weight issues brings me here as one more attempt to permanently fix ME, not with a "fix" of some kind or another, but to press through to permanent victory of a healthy kind.

When it comes to weight loss, and all the many and varied attempts I have used over a lifetime, there is probably little I have not done or tried, ranging from very healthy to unbelievably sick. All that remained was the gastric bypass, for which I received approval, and then just couldn't go through with it.

I have gorged, and puked, and starved, and done laxatives and emetics ... anything to strip away weight with little regard for my health in the process. I thank God that those very dark days of my existence are long since gone. Now, I am just fat, and willing to work at everything healthy to achieve my goals.

No holds barred to HEALTHY. In an effort to break out of any form of self-denial/self-deception, I had a DNA test done to determine if I REALLY had the weight loss difficulties I have claimed to have all of my life. And not surprisingly, the results were just as I had really thought they were. Virtually no metabolism, extremely fat-sensitive, and gains weight very easily...to just put it all into a nutshell.

Working with a nutritionist, I now have a program of what I can or can not do ... or rather, I can choose to do anything, but I am choosing now to do what is right ... why keep putting off what I claim to be my goal? Permanent and healthy weight loss. And honesty, above all, honesty, with myself. If I blow it, I own it...honestly. If I make it, I celebrate it ... honestly, and with choices for celebration that don't center on food.

TODAY is the beginning of the rest of my life, and I am glad to know who I am in this without denial or deception being a part of the bargain.

Blessings,

Mary
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • QUILTPUPS
    Truly, it makes absolutely NO SENSE, and better defines "insanity" to keep on in denial and excuses, round and round in vicious circles, and become the victim of an avenging monster's voracious appetite! Addictions, and excuses, denials and deceptions, can eat us alive, and do ... If we don't just STOP, and turn it around. Not easy, but a must if we want to live, and not merely exist. I want to live!
    3142 days ago
  • FLGIRL1234
    Great blog! I love your honesty and ability to get real with yourself. I know many people who live in the world of denial and the land of excuses but its not until we see things for what they really are (circumstances of our own choices) that we finally "get it". You my dear "get it". So glad we are here going through your journey with you.
    3142 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10429908
    I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH RAWHIDE. THAT WAS ONE WELL WORDED POST. I TOO BELIEVE IT IS 100% MENTAL - BUT THEN THE WAY WE REACT TO ALL OF LIFE IS THAT WAY. IT'S HOW WE CHOOSE TO LET IT CHANGE US OR NOT CHANGE US THAT IS IMPORTANT. IF YOU CAN'T GET A HANDLE ON THE MENTAL ASPECT OF IT, IT ISN'T GOING TO WORK FOR YOU. AND YES! YOU WILL MESS UP. I HAVE BEEN AT THIS FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS NOW AND HAVE LOST A TOTAL OF 129 POUNDS AND STILL HAVE NEARLY A HUNDRED TO GO. IT IS REALLY HARD TO KEEP YOUR FOCUS FOR SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME AND RIGHT NOW, I AM IN A SLUMP. BUT I KNOW I WILL COME OUT OF IT AND WHEN I DO I WILL BE STRONGER THAN I WAS BEFORE. SO BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND DON'T LET OTHERS GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR SUCCESS.
    ERIN
    3150 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11477432
    Mary, I happen to believe that getting from where we are to living healthy is 100% mental and there are many aspects to that. Being honest with ourselves is a must. In being honest we need to forget about blame but accept responsibility for what we do and move forward. The hard part of the mental effort for me is to constantly remind myself to pay attention and be vigilant. Like all humans I sometimes do what I want and not what's best for me and that leads to bad decisions. It's going to happen so expect it and view it for what it is - a hiccup. It happens, it's over, and we learn from it.

    Everything that happened in the past is history and we learn from it. Talk nice to yourself and keep working on getting better. The SP program is great but the exercise part takes starting slow, doing what we can at that point, and gradually doing more - one day at a time. It's an essential part of the program. You set your goals and the deadlines but until you really get a feel for what you can do be ready to change the deadlines to more realistic dates.

    You're on the way, you have the rest of your life to get it right, and you will eventually develop your own SP guided program.

    Enjoy the ride,

    Lew
    3150 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/22/2012 3:35:11 PM
  • DIANEMAR
    I am dealing with these issues myself, esp the deceptition and denial. I take full responsibility but I do know the enemy is also at work trying to make us complacent to his tactics. One thing I am dealing with this week, is my image of myself as a woman of God, not a girl, but a woman. I find my inner image is based on being a girl, and not allowing God to bring out the woman in me, a lot of studying ahead for me on that one. I believe the enemy really fights that one, cause of what Christ did on the cross, woman have soooo much to look forward to and realize the Gift He truly gave to us. I am ashamed that it has taken so long to realize this, but better late than never!
    3150 days ago
  • EBURGITE
    i can totally empathize. i embarked on my journey with the awareness that i was clueless about what it meant to live healthy. so, i've been learning how to do that. baby steps are good, and i made a commitment to not start something i wasn't willing to do for the rest of my life. changing my life is the only way to win this battle. it hasn't been easy, and i have to keep re-working things, but i've made a lot of progress. i'll keep working on it.
    emoticon
    3151 days ago
  • KEIPONY
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    3151 days ago
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