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Hanging In There - Kinda

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She died in 1996 after being sick for 19 years. It sounds crazy but I never thought that she would die even though I watched her suffer for so many years. I thought she was invincible. She clung to life for my sake as long as she could because she knew I needed her. Like I've always said, you never truly have to grow up until you lose a parent. I've grown up. It's not all it's cracked up to be. LOL. I always look in my garden to see if something bloomed on mom's birthday and my star gazer lilies still managed to bloom in this horrible heat and drought. These are some of my favorite flowers. Mom would love them.

It's still hot and miserable here. Arid. I've had my fill of this but the weather forecasters think it will last until October. So depressing. I'm sure we will then go directly into Winter. LOL. I have finally decided to just get out there and suffer. It would make it easier if I were not stung by two yellow jackets when I do. LOL. I'm trying to keep up with the watering which is a massive undertaking. The water bill will be outrageous. Ditto on the electricity. 101 today.

We finally got most of the back yard cleaned back up except for finding a place for the old grill. We scooped up a bunch of old tile and hauled it off.

I am still limping along health wise. Having an extended near death experience. LOL. Good news - my humongous MRSA has started to drain. It looks horrible. Worst one I've ever had. We are talking about a big scar here. Maybe it will at least go away now.

I found out yesterday my friend Debbie is considering moving away again. She did this before. She misses her parents. I want her to be happy but I would miss her. My son will probably be moving away in the future too - not sure when.

I finally had a good day yesterday on steps - 16,451 and I didn't eat too bad either. It would be so nice if I could manage month, weeks or even 2 days in a row like I did before. When is this period of fibrillating going to end?

I am having plenty of turtles at my Bed and Breakfast - 5 yesterday. 4 today. Strawberry came back twice. LOL. The ants and yellow jackets are a problem though. And now the crows are stealing the food.

For what good it does me I am bored with doing my weekly shopping and downtown chores. Bored with housework, outside chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and dealing with idiots. I need something good to come into my life. I'm not sure what that would be. Maybe a large meteorite that doesn't destroy anything but some dirt.

Hubby has been getting some things ready to sell of my MIL's. He has some people interested in several items.

Well, it's getting late. I want to get some more steps in. Yippee....not. LOL.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Perhaps it's time to take a day and just piddle around the house with the bare minimum that you have to do (i.e. feed the critters), and just curl up with a good book or go somewhere and do something quiet to recharge.
    2850 days ago
    I was talking to a bee keeper and she was saying the bees love this heat, man do they ever! At least something is thriving. It's so sad when friends move away. I just lost one recently.
    2858 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8557947
    MRSA sounds like no fun. I just looked it up myself. I hope that it clears up really soon. You need something fun to do! I am certainly sorry for your losses though. I think I will always have a huge whole in my heart when my mother passes away. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your feelings. Sending love your direction! Hugs, Karen
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2863 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3409143
    Yeah I feel somewhat the same way- I still miss my Dad - I wish I would have spent more time hunting and fishing with him. It feels like there is something missing (I am not talking about he person here) like there was an extra sense of continuity that's still missed or needed but which is noticeably absent. It been raining on and off for the past week but I am not complaining. I wish I could send some your way. I know I thought my grandpa would live forever (he made it to 1998 (aged 98) - and his wife died in 1973- so much for spouses dying close to each other).
    2863 days ago
    Great job on steps & back yard.....I don't know how you do it in this heat!!!! Take care!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2863 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8522718
    You did an awesome job on steps yesterday!!!!!!!
    Great job on eating healthy!
    The boredom I understand. I am bored with my routine too. I wish I had a good answer for you onn that.
    2864 days ago
    2864 days ago
    I know what you mean, Tish. My father's birthday was July 14, and I aways go through a period of the doldrums for that week. Time just dulls the pain, it doesn't remove it. Even knowing that their suffering has ended doesn't always keep their loved ones from missing them. I've been remembering all of Dad's droll sense of humor, funny engineer stories, and quirky habits to make me smile.

    Take care,

    2864 days ago
    Sometimes I wish I COULD just transport you here to Oregon to cool off and get a little R and R sweetie! The heat sounds relentless there. I hope that if you sell some of your Mil's things you could maybe get away somewhere for just a day or two? It sounds like it would do you a WORLD of good to just take a break.

    emoticon emoticon
    2864 days ago
  • AUNTB63
    Some people would read "you are bored" and say how? You have so many things going on during your days.....Well I for one know what you mean. Not that I have so many things going on, but the everyday things turn into dulldrums and hence the boredom. I get that way too often, but seem to just get through it.
    Hope you "perk" up soon....whenever I think of my parents (both deceased) I get a little sad that I just can't spend that kind of time we used to spend together. However, I "talk" to them all the time and when I'm "blue" I find a way to get over it as that is what they would want me to. Hope you are having a good day emoticon emoticon coming your way.
    2864 days ago
    Great job on your steps and eating healthy.!!!! Way to go.

    I have days like that also..I get bored of shopping, planning, cooking..doing errands.

    is there a new recipe you could try???

    2864 days ago
  • CHERRY666

    Didn't know what MRSA stands for so I just looked it up. Scary! Sorry to hear it looks so awful, but I hope it's better very soon.

    That's really good of you to put out food for the turtles. Really neat, too.
    2864 days ago
    I agree you do sound down. But no matter how long our parents are gone we miss them especially on that day. Also MRSA is a messy tiring Mess my friends hubby has it on his leg. HUgs and hope it clears up.
    Not hot here today but humnd we finally got rain enough so that the back track is flooded. We needed it, something we don't normally have to say.
    HUGS and hope the slump doesn't go down further. Think positive and have a good day.

    2864 days ago
    You are very good to remember the anniversary of your mother's death. I think that when your son moves out it will be very hard on you but it's good for our kids to be independent. My son is doing more for himself every day as well as getting used to a personal care worker. I can hardly wait until my son is independent and hubby and I can go home.
    You need a vacation. Really.
    2864 days ago
    Well, dear M, where do I start? You sound so very sad; it hurts my heart. I, too, wish something would come along to make you feel better about your life and routine. That would be sad if your friend moved away but Ian??????? What the heck is that about? Where would he go?
    When you start to heal and share what was wrong and how bad it was, I am always amazed that you weren't whining about it while it was going on!!! You do not complain. You, GF, are a brave and strong woman. I admire you in so many ways.
    I wish I had more to offer you than prayers and good thoughts. You are so special and deserve only good things.
    2864 days ago
    what do you like to do stitch?? knit?? crochet?? any of that stuff??? not that i see you have any spare time..just wondering lol
    the lady mary emoticon
    2864 days ago
    Big hugs to you. MRSA is scary stuff! Hopefully it gets better soon.

    It sounds like you could use a little switch up from your normal routine. Maybe a bike ride? (not sure how the MRSA is affecting your movement)

    I hope you're feeling better soon!
    2864 days ago
    I am sorry you are feeling sad today on your mother's anniversary.
    She is at peace and in a good place. I am glad those lillies managed
    to come up which shows your mum is still looking over your shoulder.

    I am sorry yoy are bored, and id I win the Lotto, I will bring you over
    to Australia for a holiday. Now that should get rid of your boredom.
    I'll also visit now for a cuppa. Chin up sweetie. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2864 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    So sorry this is a sad and hard time for you .. I am glad you are at least healing.. The weather sounds aweful .. and I am sure you will be glad when it cools down a bit ..

    My Mum also passed away 6 years ago today .. and I am feeling sad .. but also happy that she is at peace .. she had Dementia and didn't know us for several years ..
    I know she is in a good place now, as is your mother.
    Loving Thoughts , Healing Vibes coming your way .. Much love Susie
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2864 days ago
    I was reading your blog with tears in my eyes. Of course you read my blog and saw how the anniversary of my mother's death has filled me with emotion. No matter how much time passes, life is never the same.

    I hope you get some sleep. We have moved to winter/summer only. We get perhaps one autumnal week and one spring-like week. I remember when it was a 4 season year!

    I hope that you can find something to do with your boredom. This is not an energizing time of year.
    2864 days ago
    So glad that you know how to take the best care of yourself with all that is going on. Sure wish the heat wave would go away. Heat plus humidity is unbearable!!! Hope you are getting some rest and taking some me time when you can.
    Blessings and hugs,
    2864 days ago
    I know the feeling of needing something good to come in your life. I need something good soon. I am struggling trying to get back on track too and this heat we are having is horrible and just doesn't help.......I sure hope they are wrong and we don't keep having weather like this that long. hang in there !
    2864 days ago
    I know what it is like when both of your parents have passed on, I suddenly felt like an orphan even though I was in my 50's. It has been about 10 yrs as my parents died within 5 months of each other but I till miss them terribly. We know it is going to happen but always seem to think maybe they will hang on forever.

    So you have MRSA, wow, that it too bad but I am glad you are healing from it as I hear it is very dangerous. But you're a retired nurse and who better would know how to heal herself!

    Friends moving, children moving, it is hard thank goodness we have good spark friends like you! emoticon
    2864 days ago
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