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What is stopping me?

Monday, November 12, 2012

I have been about 12 pounds from goal for so long and after making a serious commitment to finally get the last of this off, I was fired up and ready to go. I started out on a challenge last Monday with thoughts that I could actually be at my goal by Christmas. I was truly so stoked but wait there was something else. I was enthused, excited and thinking about the goal but there was something else. I was also a little sad and confused???? Ok, what is that funny thought in my head? Could I really be feeling a sad feeling in not being overweight anymore? Hmmm, so I decided it's time to look at this. There is something in me that likes being in the "sorority" of weight losers. I like to be in a group and this is such a good and supportive group I've been in. I have fought the battle since I was a teenager. In fact I almost made my goal in 2000 but then something derailed me and I stayed about 20 pounds from goal for several years until a medical issue brought me up another 30 pounds. So then I started again and ultimately found SP to bring me to within 12 pounds of my goal and that is where I've sat since June. Down 2, up 2 so I have to ask if I'm sabotaging myself on purpose and I'm thinking yes.

As I said I like my group of dieting buddies. We've talked diets, recipes, lamented over our slow losses, compared our workouts and yet as I've gotten closer to goal, I've been excluded a little. I get the "do you really need to lose weight?" and "oh, you lost .5, how nice, I lost 5 pounds". I've even been asked if maybe I'm a little bit obsessive since I'm not that much overweight anymore.

I know this seems silly but this is something I need to explore in order to "let" myself release this last of weight. I want to be at my goal and learn how to maintain my healthy body so now I need to get that little part in me that is holding me back on board too. After all my efforts, I deserve to look good and feel good. I'm by nature kind of a team player but not the competitive type. I feel bad when I'm successful and others are struggling. See this is all such a jumble of emotions that I'm hoping that in writing them and reading them maybe I can figure out what makes me sabotage my efforts. I still could have the rest of my weight off in 2012 and make 2013 my first year ever of maintenance if I can get to the understanding of all this.

As so many have said, weight loss is about so much more than the pounds. It is about growing into the person I know I am. I am slowly becoming that person. I'm looking in the mirror and seeing the fruits of my efforts. People have told me how much better I look and say I don't look or act 60. I can try on clothes at the store and they look pretty good. I truly feel better than I've felt in a long time, energy to run after my 4 grandkids, exercise every day, do my housework. See I see all the benefits of my weight loss. Now I want to enjoy the benefit of saying I'm at GOAL! I wonder what I'll do with all the time I've spent worrying about the "diet"? Don't get me wrong. I will always exercise and eat right but I want to see what it feels like to not be overweight. Any insights or advice, anyone?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Oh, I hear this all the time from people who have more to lose. I understand their perspective and their dismissive tones to my "plight," but I just let it roll right off me. I'll be happy to be your diet buddy to lose the 13 lbs we're both doing the 50+ Challenge to lose. Are you maybe even interested in joining the Winter 5% Challenge, starting probably end of this month? Maybe you can even help me keep mine off this time--I've been here before. :)
    2991 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/25/2012 8:38:53 AM
    Wow, there is so much here that I want to join in and talk about. It thought about sending it to you on your email, but decided that this is a better choice.

    1. Nobody but you can decide what you need to weigh. I've noticed a lot of people join sp with just 5 or 10 pounds to lose. I used to feel a little jealous of them when I had so much to lose, but now I understand that 5 or 10 pounds for some people is the same as 1 or 1 hundred for others.

    Years ago when I was still doing therapy, I had a women come to see me who was still grieving about a horse that had died 5 years prior. She was paralyzed with grief. It was hard to get my head around her grief as I had worked many years with people who had lost mates, children, parents and moved through the levels of grief and into a new albeit more tender life. Her grief was real and deep, just as your goals are personal to you.

    As for finding another team as you get closer...no need unless you want to. I love you and I'm sure many other people on our team feel the same way. I would love you if you became a miss skinny or gained all of your weight back plus some.

    We are all on our own journeys it's true, but I love walking shoulder to shoulder with the women that I've learned to love on this weight loss trip.

    3028 days ago
  • SHARON-NY2021
    I also think it is great you blogged about this. I am still a bit away from goal and I know that it is not unusual for people nearing goal to have some difficulty getting all the way there. So, I have no experience to speak from but I have some ideas nonetheless...

    Maybe you could write to that "part" that is "holding" you back and ask why? someone once suggested to me using a colored crayon and just writing without editing or thinking for a few minutes.

    Maybe you could set your sights on just getting to single digits away from goal. do everything you can, be obsessed, and just lose three pounds. then work to maintain that..

    Maybe you can recruit a diet buddy to lose 12 pounds together. to root each other on.

    Maybe you can think about how you are right now... how do you feel. and then ask yourself how you want to feel when you are at goal and pay attention to how your body would feel.

    i can go on and on. i am sort of 'built" that way.

    oh, one more.... what have you done in the past that was successful that you are no longer doing? will you commit to that again?

    whatever you choose to do, do honor yourself for continuing on this journey toward health and self discovery.

    you rock!!!

    3032 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8845365
    You're right, girl - we are there together, huh!? I keep thinking "what will I do in January, if I don't have 15-20 pounds to lose?" haha. Great motivation, huh? Well, like you, I have that first 10-15 gone, and now I'm hovering between 5-10 over my goal. On the one hand I'm like "great... just stay here and maintain 'til January, and you'll be fine" but on the other hand I'm like "I just want to know what it feels like to be 125 again!! And I want it now!!!!" Then I can focus on maintaining and toning more before spring. So doing the math ( I lose one pound a week when I'm doing more than maintaining), I could totally be at/almost at goal by Christmas! Hmmm... can I really do it? And - do I really want to (yet?) SO thankful that I have KEPT this weight off, unlike most autumns, where I would be about 15 pounds heavier by now, already!!

    We DO deserve this - what do you think!!?? emoticon
    3032 days ago
    I don't really know what to say because I have been losing the same FEW pounds over and over and never getting close to any goal, however, I think you did the right thing blogging about it and going back and reading what you wrote will probably help...you are just on the verge of entering a new phase called "not overweight anymore" ...lol...and you are trying to make sense of it..cause face it you are going to get there and I feel like you are going to get to your goal really soon because you are determined to do it this time...your dieting buddies should understand that your last few pounds is no different than their next few pounds to lose and they should be supportive and excited for you...heck, I am just getting to "know" you and I am excited for you...you can do it if you REALLY want it...keep pushing on and get to your goal girl and tell me what it feels like!!!!
    3033 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12891652
    I guess if it was me, I would also be asking myself if my goal weight was what my body should be or what the weight charts tell me I should be. You know yourself better then anyone. Not giving you permission to stop trying, just throwing this out there as a possibility.
    3033 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1345136
    I think that it's very honest and profound that you have asked this question of yourself regarding self sabotage keeping you from losing those last pounds. I really get it. I know for myself that I have been either losing or gaining weight since I was 14 and I am now 61. I often wonder why I have so often gotten close to but never made it to my goal. I have suspected that being a "weight watcher" has become a big part of my identity. I have spent so much time thinking about and taking action regarding my weight that I wonder who I would be and what I would do with my time if I actually got there.

    I think that one of the suggestions to join the maintainers team is a good one, simply because you feel good being part of a group. Why not be part of the group of people who have made their goals and are striving to maintain? There are a whole new set of challenges and strategies there. They may even help you get past your blocks to reach your goal because I'm sure many of them have faced the same issues.

    I'm cheering for you to reach your ultimate goal in 2012, and I will still be your friend even though you'll no longer be in the loser's club...LOL! Seriously, I feel like I have a lot to learn from people who have lost weight and kept it off and I love to see others make it to the finish line. I've always believe the real work begins once you reach your goal. So, go do it and keep sharing your success with the rest of us who aspire to do the same.
    3034 days ago
  • NOE1234
    Thanks for sharing! Something to think about.
    3034 days ago
    Well, Kathy we've heard it said, the first step to changing something is acknowledging it. So, maybe you just seeing & acknowledging this will help? It is a "tough" one, and there's probably so much more to it than just removing those pounds.

    For me personally, I had to change something about what I was doing, as I too was stuck. My change didn't come by choice, as it was my knee that dictated what I was going to do, and yes... it helped. Now, that I have turned a corner in my healing, I can see where the changes I had to make were for the good.

    I pray that you'll get some clarity, and in the meantime, just "tweak" things just a little and see if that's not enough.

    You'll have the support on here no matter what weight you're at. No, probably not from all, and yet from the ones that want you to "succeed." ;o)

    Kiko :)
    3034 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12872491
    I'm so sorry that you feel excluded by your diet buddies the closer you get to your goal weight. I would think that they would be so excited for you, and inspired by your determination, and comforted to know that, "It can be done!" giving them hope and inspiration as well! I for one am truly excited for you, and I hope that you continue on to reach that goal! You're a strong, motivated, and determined woman and don't you ever forget it! :))
    3034 days ago
    If it is support you are looking for than consider joining one of the maintenance groups. At Goal & Maintaining + Transition to Maintenance is a supportive group. Also consider shifting to a slower more gradual loss of those last few pounds. Maybe the slowest loser's group. I know I am tired of being in weight loss mode so I have been self sabotaging. That is why I decided to just try to maintain through the holidays and my cataract surgeries. I will feel more energized in the spring. I always do feel better then than during the winter. Good luck!
    3034 days ago
    No insights, unfortunately! If you find that magic answer, let me know too! I'm kind of in the same boat. I've kind of gone off track the last couple of months, and I'm SO CLOSE to reaching my goal! Something feels off but I don't know what LOL. I just keep plugging along and hoping that something will click to let me get back on the bandwagon and lose these last 10-15lbs.

    So keep on pushing and before you know it you'll be in the "sorority" of weight maintainers!!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3034 days ago
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