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I've Had ENOUGH

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Well , following my hip dislocation two weeks ago, I had the normal period of extreme caution and lack of mobility while the hip muscles recover from the damage they suffered. On Thursday I am going to see my Ortho surgeon. I"m gonna ask him to get me into home PT once again. I'm going to really try to get a workout going that I can feel secure about...one that I'm not wondering every minute, "Is my hip gonna pop out?"

I think maybe later this morning, once I officially get up (right now it's 2:15 and I can't sleep), I will try to resume my recumbent bike riding. It's been so long since I've done any exercise, I don't know how it will feel but I need to do SOMEthing.

The other thing I really need to do is to get serious about eating in moderation. It's gotten to the point where my husband is lecturing me on the amount of food I'm packing in. ...and when I go into the kitchen at night for food, he just looks at me with --okay--disgust. Honestly, this makes me want to cry. Because he is totally right. I am eating way too much and I am going to pay the price health-wise if I don't do something NOW to change it.

I've actually invested in some plus sized clothing which is a sign that I'm feeling hopeless about my weight. Feeling like there's nothing I can do to reverse the tide. And feeling like, "Well I'm fat and I'm gonna stay fat, so I might as well have clothes that fit me." Wouldn't it be great to have to shelve this clothing--cuz it's too big?

I've gotten to feel like it's too impossible. Like I can't exercise and I can't keep my mouth shut instead of stuffing it with food. Is it impossible? I mean right now, I feel like even if I didn'teat. Even if I did workout.....the weight wouldn't come off. I know that's irrational but that's how defeated I am feeling. I need some success to get me going. So I'll tell you what...

I will write down everything I eat. For one week. I will measure food. I will eat three meals...not four. I will eat no more than two very small snacks per day. And I will walk in my driveway every day until I can't walk anymore. I will do this for one week. And then I will weigh myself and see if my fear is right...AM I beyond hope? Am I too far gone to be helped?

I'm tired of hauling the equivalent of another small person around with me. Tired of huffing and puffing on the stairs and when I bend to put on my shoes. Tired of the looks of disgust. Tired of being a fat woman.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LUNADRAGON
    Hugs! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2843 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10895053
    Oh Cynthia Sweetie, just remember that we're all here for you! You can concentrate more on fruits and vegetables. They fill us more up than we can ever realize. Also, some good, lowfat protein. Cottage cheese, yogurt, lowfat cheddar, skim milk, turkey, chicken, just even cold. Laughing Cow spread on celery, etc. Walking in your driveway is a good, grand idea too! emoticon emoticon And it is best to baby your hip!

    Karen/Minnesota
    2854 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/28/2012 12:08:59 PM
  • _LINDA
    Some great advice here. The idea of eating many small healthy meals/snacks a day is the best actually -keeps your blood sugar level and may help with the cravings. Making sure you don't have processed food or sweet or salty snacks in the house is a must. Not buying any 'white' grains -whole wheat only. Exercise may not be an option for you right now, but food is always under your control. I was able to maintain my weight while being unable to exercise (surprised the heck out of me that I was able to after so many gains before), but the HUGE difference was I was tracking, weighing and measuring everything I ate and staying in the range my Nutrition Tracker gave me when I set the Fitness Tracker to 0. Its even possible to lose weight while unable to exercise, but it will take a long time. The main thing to do is look after yourself. It can only help you to ramp up your fruits and veggies and lose the excess empty carbs. Eating nutritious meals will help you ward off infections and heal better.
    I feel for you Cynthia and all your suffering, makes me so very sad to hear, but even more so you throwing in the towel. That is not you. You are the fighter who keeps coming up from the latest blow and doing what you can to stay out of the abyss. You can do this. Focus on the food. Make it work for you, not against you. The tools are here, use them. Use Spark people's Nutrition Tracker, entering everything you eat as you eat it so you can see the totals adding up -nothing like seeing them racking up -can be scary at times! My breakfast is anywhere from 600 -900 calories! All that is is a fruit shake with a protein supplement and a piece of whole wheat bread with almond butter and honey or a muffin (Mom's healthier home made muffins but still higher calorie) Unfortunately, it doesn't take a whole lot to run those calories up. The only way to know where you are at for sure is to track as you go.
    All the best with it Cynthia.. I am here for you!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2854 days ago
  • EBURGITE
    if you're eating all the time, then you can tweak that so it WORKS for you. eat smaller meals, and you can eat bigger and/or more snacks. a typical day for me looks sorta like this: yogurt & fruit for breakfast, mid-morning snack, late-morning snack, small lunch (3-400 calories), mid-afternoon snack, late-afternoon snack unless we're eating dinner early, dinner, after dinner snack (sometimes two). if i go more than a couple of hours, i WILL over eat, and not make good choices. my snack are usually veggies, nuts, cheese, fruit & nut bars, or low-fat crackers. doing that keeps my blood sugar stable, and my eating under control. the other key is finding out if you're eating something that sets your cravings into overdrive, like white-flour products or sugar. we tend to think it's all about will power, or lack thereof. but sometimes it's just that we're eating something that really does make it impossible to control what we put in our mouth next...figuring that out is the challenging thing, but when you do make those connections, and eliminate (or restrict) those foods, your eating becomes manageable. i'd encourage you to keep track of your cravings, and your ability/inability to resist those cravings...see if eating a certain food usually precedes the insatiability, or if it kicks up a bigger craving for MORE of the same. then spend a couple of weeks NOT eating that...you may find you've regained control. when you've got extra time, prepare things you can eat without guilt: fresh veggies, pre-portioned low-fat, healthy snacks, nuts, etc. when you feel "starved," drink water or a cup of herbal tea, and see if it passes. if it doesn't, have one of your healthy choice snacks. drink some more water, and do something you really enjoy--read a book, get crafty, jump on the eliptical, or whatever.
    another thing to look at is what you're doing when you feel like snacking. for instance, do you need to change your behavior until you break the habit of eating while watching tv?
    you're not hopeless, just at a challenging place. changing how you deal with food is HUGE. hang in there...figure out ONE thing you can do, and do it. then keep building on your foundation of healthy choices. don't beat yourself up when you stumble, encourage yourself like you'd encourage a friend you love, and trust that you'll keep improving. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.
    k...i'll stop preaching. emoticon
    emoticon
    2854 days ago
  • TCANNO
    If you have trouble with your hip there are plenty of exercises that you can do sitting down. Go through the video's and try and find something



    emoticon
    2855 days ago
  • OTEN36
    emoticon
    My moment came after the death of my father. I knew I had to make a change and fast. I quit smoking and also started educating myself on eating healthy. I also joined a water aerobics class as my knee's and feet hurt most of the time.
    I too had broke down two weeks before and gotten several larger pairs of pants. The one's I owned were cutting me in half. Luckily, I didn't wear them but a month then I was able to get back into my other jeans. Then blew by those and four more sizes down in 4 1/2 months.
    It was a lot of exercising and a lot of reading what is healthy eating all about.
    one month into it I also found this site and am so grateful that I did.
    Measuring is so important as is keeping up with your diet log.
    We are all here to support you.
    emoticon
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    Dee/Minnesota
    2855 days ago
  • LUVLYLORELEI
    You know what? Now is not the time to give up. I know how discouraging physical setbacks can be. I've been in physical therapy for my knee, my feet and my back and I wonder if I might end up in it again soon if I'm not careful because I think I've injured my Achilles tendon.

    I got up to 382 pounds and was barely able to walk across the room. That's a demoralizing place to be. I wouldn't be able to finish shopping trips when I would have to go get groceries because I couldn't stand it. I'd have to lean over the shopping cart and let it carry part of my weight, and hope that all the while I didn't see anyone I knew.

    I'm getting my mobility back. Physical therapy has proved itself to be immensely valuable to me. I still do the exercises and know that if I stopped even though I no longer go to physical therapy, I could end up right back there anyway.

    There comes a point though when it gets easier. And for me, I know it's just the beginning. I don't have to lean over the shopping cart anymore and I can walk when I need to. Maybe not a lot, but enough that the quality of my life has greatly improved.

    Exercise is important, but when your hurting, it can be a hindrance if you over do it.

    Aquarobics might help, but I'd ask a doctor first. It's low impact, it's non-weight bearing and you don't have to do anything that doesn't feel right. I'm not sure if it is good for hip problems, and that's why I think a doctor would best address that. Aquarobics helped me in a time when nothing else was an option and many people use it as a way to cope with arthritis, knee surgery and other such problems. For me I couldn't exercise on land without over working my heart.

    The bonus, aquarobics is fun! It's something I really enjoy.

    There are some moves you may want to skip, but if you know what you can do and can't do, you can easily skip them or modify them. Actually, if you just keep moving, it doesn't really matter if you do the moves exactly as they do them, it's the movement itself that counts.

    One last thing, I know I'm a little wordy sometimes, but I do have one last thought. It's about the clothing. I used to purchase the next size up any time I would gain weight. It wasn't a happy time for me by any means, but I wanted to be comfortable. The thing is, I became comfortable. It makes it so much easier to put on 10 more pounds without noticing and so on if you don't stop it in its tracks asap.

    It's far easier to take off ten pounds now to make clothes you already have fit better, than it is to let it go and have even more to lose in the future. Trust me, I know. So I encourage you to keep your old clothes handy and even visible maybe as a reminder that this size up is only temporary. Then I would get the new clothes as far out of sight as possible once you're back in your smaller clothes.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon


    2855 days ago
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