Thursday, January 17, 2013
I had my first at home PT today....She assigned me exercises to be done twice daily. She assessed me and said that I am weak however when she saw me walk and do some of the exercises she couldn't believe that I'm two weeks post surg. She feels I'm doing really well...and when she read through my medical history she couldn't believe it, looking at me that I'd been through so much and had so many problems. So that was nice to hear.
IT will be tough to make myself do the exercises twice a day. But I know I need to in order to progress to where I want to be.
I've been having a huge problem with anxiety. Just general free floating stuff. I know that my husband's cardiac illness is part of it. But in general I just feel terrified of problems erupting that I or we do not have the resources with which to cope. My husband has been really terrible to me...acting like it's my fault he's sick and he wants no part of helping me in any way because he feels like he's got all he can deal with with his own illness. I understand that but where does that leave me? I have a chronic illness...actually three chronic illnesses and they aren't going away any time soon. I cannot just pretend they are not here. PLUS he now has me needing to cook these complex meals and to do the shopping for them. I'm really struggling to do that. Many nights I'm hurting too much to think about standing at the stove and even on a good day my legs go completely numb when I stand to cook.
I don't know. I don't know whether to hope he divorces me or whether to fear that. It's definitely a lose/lose situation.
My daughter is going home tomorrow. We will both miss her terribly. And I know that he will really start treating me badly once she is no longer here to referee.
Anyway....dreading it isn't going to help.