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My Not So Happy Valentine's Day

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Have you ever sent yourself a letter to the future via FutureMe? I have done this several times and always seem to disappoint myself when I get it. This is the letter that I wrote a little over 3 months ago. The question I was asking myself, "am I still messing up?" And, sad to say, the answer to that is "yes".
I think this is yet another 'light bulb moment' and I am back to being on track and when I get my next letter back from FutureMe (which I am sending today) I do so hope it will put a smile on my face. Maybe a happy Memorial Day since I didn't get a happy Valentine's Day.

Dear FutureMe,
Today I reached my goal~~~~~again~~ I had reached it back in 2009 and then thought "Hey, that's it" and didn't manage to maintain like I should have. Didn't gain it all back but that could have happened had I not got back on track and stayed there.
I never really had a 'light bulb moment' to start me on the path to losing weight. I have been over weight since I was 9 years old so I always knew I needed to lose the weight. Not even when I joined Sparks in 2009 did I have a big 'this is it' moment. I just thought I would give it a try to show my doctor that I actually could do it.
But getting back on track in November of 2012 did come as the result of a major 'light bulb moment'.
In the past when I have lost a lot of weight (before Sparks) in no time I would gain it all back plus some. Even though I still got on the scales every week; and I stupidly watched it climb back up!
I found myself doing that again. Where are my brains?? But the 'light bulb moment' came on the day that I got on the scales and saw a sign that said "leaving Onederland just a few pounds away". Now that was an eye opener.
I said to myself "You don't ever, ever want to leave Onderland!"
So I got back on track and stayed there. Not depriving myself of those special times that come along. After all, this came about in the beginning of November with all the holidays coming along.
I figured that if I ate more on those occasions, that was just a 'one day' thing and it would be back to being on track the next day.
I had told myself some months ago that when I reached my goal I would reward myself with a Kindle Fire. But I was impatient and not doing so well. To make a long story short, I went ahead and bought my Kindle Fire, but with restrictions. I told myself that any day (other than special occasions) that I got off track, the next day the Kindle Fire would be off limits.
Now I am wondering, how did I do. Have I truly reached my goal or am I still messing up? I have given myself three months to make this letter honest. So here I go. Will it be a Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow??

So sorry, Me!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD12068091
    2698 days ago
    “I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.”

    ~Anthony Robbins

    2698 days ago
    I feel your struggle and am experiencing it myself. Still, I don't ever give up hope that one day I will find myself on top of my food addiction, instead of the other way around. Realistically, I am coming to believe that there are times when I'm in control and times when I'm not, and my weight losses or gains tell that story. It seems to be a lifelong struggle for me. But I can't surrender, and I don't think you are the giving in type either. Believe that there will be a time when you will have another "light bulb moment," when someone will say something that gives you that needed push or spark, or maybe just when you see yourself differently in the mirror or on the scale. It will happen. Keep trying, and eventually the desire to be back on track will get fired up again.
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    2698 days ago
    2699 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11725650
    It truly is ongoing...a lifetime of working on eating healthy and keeping the weight at a healthy number. I have weight setbacks myself and wonder what am I doing...but if I can catch it before too many pounds are added back on...well that is a very good thing. We gotta keep on keepin' on!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2699 days ago
    But you are still here and you are still trying. Be proud of yourself for not giving up. I started over and over and over more times than I can count before it finally clicked. I know it will click for you too. So keep pushing! You are worth it, Arlene!
    2699 days ago
    Arlene - every time I start a program I am telling myself: this is it! this is the one! And several months later I am back where I started... I hope I can have this light bulb moment you had! emoticon
    2699 days ago
    Just remember,,,,,,never give up
    2699 days ago
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