The Weigh it Goes
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Earlier this week, my weight escalated from 217 to 220 without any observable cause. I kept on tracking and after weighing myself once more to find it still at 220, I decided just to ignore it and stick with the program. I rarely weigh myself more than once a week just so those of you who are under the impression that I live on my scales should decide to scold me, let me reassure you that I do not weigh frequently. I've been up and down with meeting my nutrition goals: yesterday I was within range and then had a bad night of very little sleep and every time I woke up I would go to the kitchen for a snack. I was semi-conscious and not in a state to make good choices or to employ self restraint. I did not eat badly. I had some berries, some prunes, and a few animal crackers. But it was enough to mess up my food tracker.
Today I joined the ten minute challenge group. I started today by doing ten minutes on the recumbent bike. Oddly, when I was exercising before (before the doctor told me to stop) I had no pain and was easily doing 30 minutes. HOwever today I had that "donkey-kicked-me-in-the A$$" feeling again. It's the same pain I experience following a dislocation. Now I don't know if this is a pain signaling me to stop or if it is a pain to be worked through. I suspect that it's the latter. It doesn't really hurt now (15 minutes after stopping)...just maybe a tiny bit sore. I'm exercising 2 weeks earlier than my doctor told me to. But I don't think that ten minutes can really be categorized as exercise. I don't think honestly that it can do any damage. On nice days, I will go out to walk and every day I'm making it my plan to go up and down my flight of stairs every time I get out of my recliner...Just so that I'm a little less sedentary.
Today I weighed and measured myself so as to have a starting point. I was "down" to 218...I have to keep in mind that I'm messing with my mind a little. My old scale was 6 pounds too light....so when my scale NOW says 220, its really only like 214 on my old scale....at which point I rarely got upset. So now, in effect, I'm being tougher on myself and using stricter standards. And so I really shouldn't get all bent out of shape when it says 220 but it's just the idea of weighing that much....even though I weighed that and more before....I just didn't know it.
Anyway. Isn't the whole weight battle so much a mental dance? Everything is relative. TO one person 220 is a victory. TO someone else it's a complete failure. And even for one person...the same weight at different times means different things to us. The fact is that as long as we are in the fight. As long as we are doing our best to be healthy...SCREW the weight and the numbers and the self hatred. I'm doing my best....so I should be proud of that and be patient with my body as it struggles and takes its time to get the message that the rules are changing. That what was once standard behavior is no longer acceptable. Eventually it will learn and get with the program and start responding by dropping the numbers. It will just take time. My body is stubborn and slow to get the idea but it will eventually. I just need to be patient with myself...not to allow poor behavior and not to make excuses for failure....but to understand if I fail to be perfect....to realize that it's the big picture that matters - not this one day. If all in all I am being healthy and making strides in the battle then that is all I can expect of myself....so BACK OFF LADY.