The Day I Stopped Making Excuses

....is today.
I've told myself, "You're fat because you take medicines that keep you fat. You're fat because you can't exercise like other people because of your bad joints. You're fat because of a night time eating disorder. You're fat because you've had to take steroids. And all those things are true. They made me fat.

But here is another truth. I STAY fat because I believe the lies I tell myself.
I STAY fat because I haven't committed myself 100% to doing what I need to do in order to lose the weight and keep it off
I"ve sort of believed that something magical was goign on. That I was not eating much and yet still gaining weight. I believe that I was the exception to the rule of "if what you put in minus what you burn is less than what your body uses, you will lose weight." I believed that didn't work for me.

But of course it does. The problem is that I've not been tracking EVERYTHING. I don't track my overnight cheats. I don't weigh and measure my food...I guesstimate. And of course those guesses are always in "my favor"...Well in that game I've been playing, who wins??? NOt me. i stay fat. I may feel justified in staying fat....but what good is justification? You can't take it to the bank. you can't use it to lose weight.

From this point on , I'm getting serious about this pursuit. No more skirting around the edges. No more cutting myself slack. No more listening to those who tell me lies just to make me feel better. I have things working against me. I do. But that doesn't mean that I cannot lose this weight. It doesn't mean that I'm doomed to fathood.

I have a game plan for the next time I'm in the hospital on IV steroids. I wrote it all out this morning. Information is power. Determination is power.

I'm not going to be beat up by fat any longer. I'm in this fight to win. Yes,, the thought of that commitment scares the bejeebers out of me. It means work. It means gut wrenching honesty. It means all out war

Am I in?

I'm in