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Seven Years Now, And Esaay

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Well as of today it is officially seven years since my husband died and 6 years since we moved as well. he would have been 74 this year. His birthday is on the 10th of May a few days before mine. He was exactly 19 years older than me;I was 19 when we married. I still thik of him now and then and wish he would have taken care of himself. I remember the first year on his birthday; after he died. We had decided to remember him by making a boiled dinner with corned beef. Well i made the whole head of cabbage instead of half and we ended up eating it for a week! Now we only eat reubens out of it; incredible how much fat is on it. i wish on the last day that i had said goodbye instead of see you later. I wish I would have known. The awful despair of coming home to have a paramedic tell you that he is gone; there was nothing they could do. I was working that day and my daughter was home with him. He fell asleep and she could not wake him up. His hands were clenched really tight too; he had a heart attack, a massive one. Do not tell me he did not feel it; not with his hands like that. I once read a fictional book that described a person having a heart attack and how hard it really was. i cried after reading that part cause i knew he died in pain without me being there and that he did not want his daughter to know or see him like that. Pain eases after time but never disappears; we will always miss him. This clas is harder this time around. Struggling to find my sources and need to get the reserch paper in by tomorrow night. Now it nis latre and I will log my calories tomorrow and hope i am not low.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FROSTY99
    No, it is never easy. I lost my 1st spouse nearly 25 years ago. I woke up to find him gone-I had talked to him just about an hour earlier and no indication of a problem. We just never know when it is our time so we need to always be prepared. His 65th birthday would have been Mar 1. I wished him a wonderful day in Heaven and blew him a kiss. He will always live on in my heart and through our sons but I can't bring him back and was blessed to marry another wonderful man who helped raise my sons. I never focus on the fact that he passed away in his sleep next to me but on all the wonderful years we shared.

    2615 days ago
    Although I still have my husband, I have lost both parents; and yes, 18 years after my Dad died, it still pains me that he's gone. I do have the consolation from the Lord that I will see Dad again, when I get to heaven, but that doesn't completely erase the pain. My heart goes out to you and to Jenny.
    2616 days ago
    The clinched fists are a sign that you focused on. My father and I were climbing a mountain in NM with three others and after we had reached to top he told a joke as we caught our breath and then when we started to go down he started to fall and I caught him and broke his fall and laid him on the ground. He never responded to CPR. He did flinch before he fell but did not make a sound. He was gone. The pain would have been very short. The memories of his death are not what I remember but the fun we had, all my life, on the last trip and with the family. Those are the great memories.
    2616 days ago
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