I Need this Blog Entry
Friday, April 05, 2013
to figure some things out for myself. I told you about the four hour diet. I was going great guns with that. Then one night I cheated. I told myself it didn't matter if I had a snack that one night. But I've just realized, that just as I cannot have "just one cigarette" even now, after 18 years of not smoking, so I cannot cheat "just once" in my eating plan. I know that seems strict. I know "no one's perfect" but FOR ME, a single cheat undermines and upsets the whole apple cart. What it did was it eroded my momentum, and it made it easier and easier to say "Just this once". Just this "once" became about twenty times.
It is tough to fast. It is even tougher to fast PART of the day. Don't ask me why, but it is. I guess it's because you allow yourself that stinkin thinkin' that says, "I will be eating in X number of hours, why not now?"
When I fast, it is holy to God. And that holiness strengthens my resolve not to cheat. I need to wrap my head around this program one more time. I need to look at it differently and I need to examine for myself why I am doing this. I know it is not good to confuse weight loss fasting with God-fasting....when you fast for God it has to be ALL about Him. And to tell myself that it IS all about God, just so I have more determination to keep the fast in order to lose weight, then that is just wrong.
BUT on the other hand, I have to look at the fast as something kind of sacrosanct in its own right. Like quitting smoking. It has to be kept perfectly....in order to be kept at all. There can be no "wiggle room". Part of what sunk me was that several times I was to be out of my house at noon and would not have the chance to break my fast then. And I was HUNGRY by then....so I rationalized that I could break my fast sooner, before I went out. And that combined with a cheat at night, blew the whole project out of the water.
So here is my plan. I will adapt the hours. I will fast from 6 pm-10:00 AM rather than from noon to 8:00. I don't know for sure if that will work or not. But I"m going to try. I was really struggling to make it to noon. The night time is ALWAYS a tough time but from 6-8 is not so tough because I will have just finished dinner. I just need to take it seriously. It's not HOLY....but it is important. It is important that I obey the rules that I"ve set for myself. I need to remind myself that I set the rules. I chose them. No one is forcing me....I am doing this for me.....so to find ways around it....to cheat, hurts no one but myself.
Thanks for listening. I needed to work that out a bit in my own head. Things were getting cluttered and confused.
Now I have clarity.