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A Respite

Thursday, April 11, 2013

I honestly have fallen off the wagon this past week. For a while I was doing well with the 8 hour diet....then it became like every other day and now....it's like I'm doing a big fat nothing. I know the problem at its root is that I've stopped exercising. For me, it is impossible to maintain motivation if I am not exercising. And honestly, I don't think I COULD exercise even if I wanted to. My asthma has been terrible. I've attempted some yard work and almost died doing it. (for the whole ten minutes it took me). I even ended up doing a puffer in the middle of Walmart today because I got seriously winded just pushing my cart. I think I need to make an appointment with my pulmonologist. But I don't want to because he will just put me on steroids and then what will happen? I'll blow up even bigger.

It's a no win situation. I can't exercise because I can't breathe. I can't treat the asthma because it will make me fatter. Fat and fatter. Those are my options. Sounds like a movie. (:) )

So for now I am sadly unmotivated. Haven't even been doing my Spark COach because it just makes me sad. I've had to buy some more fat clothes for the new season. I think I just need to face the fact that I am overweight, not able to exercise, and there is nothing too much I can do about it. I just need to do damage control and keep from getting any bigger. I've been essentially the same weight now for several years. Gaining or losing the same 5 pounds over and over. No matter how psyched up I get. No matter what my newest "plan" is...it all is for naught.

I hate being this weight. But I am starting to cave and give in to the fact that there is nothing I can do. Is that a lie? Am I copping out? Making excuses?
I don't know. I don't think so. But for now I am going to lie low. I will attempt to eat healthfully -- I'm not going to go crazy--but for now I'm going to ease up on pressuring myself to lose weight. I will weigh myself occasionally, just to make sure I'm not blimping out but for now I've had enough. I'm tired of fighting.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DUSTYPRAIRIE
    (((hugs))). Keep your eye on the prize. I'll s mail you
    2719 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    Hi Cynthia.
    Was wondering if you have been prescribed Seratide? .
    This is a preventer,
    When I was on intravenous Cortisone for Asthma , I also blew up to over 145 kilos.
    Then the Nualin became available.
    Now I am on Seratide and only need cortisone when I have a cold and It goes to my chest .
    Was just wondering ..
    I agree that perhaps exercise would be better than trying to control food intake.
    Much love Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2720 days ago
  • _LINDA
    You say exercise is your biggest motivator. If that means going on steriods to control your asthma, maybe its better because without exercise, your blood pressure could shoot up and there are far worse things then just being overweight. I have read they are combining meds now, put a preventative as well as a controlling medicine in one inhaler, in hopes of leveling the condition out and not having as many attacks, both warding off and easing attacks at the same time. Have you heard of this? Might be worth a try.. Its killing me to give up some of my favorite exercising which is why I am looking hard at alternatives I can do until this stupid elbow heals or gets out of whatever is ailing it.
    Keep pushing, fight for every scrap of health you can get because the alternative is far worse..
    {{{hugs}}}
    Linda
    2720 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10895053
    Oh sweet Cyn, now you're starting to sound like me and all I can tell you is to not ever give up. Don't ever let the spark completely go out. It just might be a tiny light on the other end of the tunnel, but it's there and then one day, that light will become bigger and bigger~! And it can only get bigger because you never let it completely go out because you were hanging on! That's what I've done, I kept hanging on and seeing that tiny light and now I feel like the light's getting a little bigger and I'm starting to feel a little brighter like there's more hope that I'll get that motivation once again. So sweetie, don't give up. I love you remember, and you'll get through this one way or another! emoticon to you, Karen
    2721 days ago
  • TOPCAT93
    good luck and get well
    2721 days ago
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