Thursday, April 11, 2013
I honestly have fallen off the wagon this past week. For a while I was doing well with the 8 hour diet....then it became like every other day and now....it's like I'm doing a big fat nothing. I know the problem at its root is that I've stopped exercising. For me, it is impossible to maintain motivation if I am not exercising. And honestly, I don't think I COULD exercise even if I wanted to. My asthma has been terrible. I've attempted some yard work and almost died doing it. (for the whole ten minutes it took me). I even ended up doing a puffer in the middle of Walmart today because I got seriously winded just pushing my cart. I think I need to make an appointment with my pulmonologist. But I don't want to because he will just put me on steroids and then what will happen? I'll blow up even bigger.
It's a no win situation. I can't exercise because I can't breathe. I can't treat the asthma because it will make me fatter. Fat and fatter. Those are my options. Sounds like a movie. (:) )
So for now I am sadly unmotivated. Haven't even been doing my Spark COach because it just makes me sad. I've had to buy some more fat clothes for the new season. I think I just need to face the fact that I am overweight, not able to exercise, and there is nothing too much I can do about it. I just need to do damage control and keep from getting any bigger. I've been essentially the same weight now for several years. Gaining or losing the same 5 pounds over and over. No matter how psyched up I get. No matter what my newest "plan" is...it all is for naught.
I hate being this weight. But I am starting to cave and give in to the fact that there is nothing I can do. Is that a lie? Am I copping out? Making excuses?
I don't know. I don't think so. But for now I am going to lie low. I will attempt to eat healthfully -- I'm not going to go crazy--but for now I'm going to ease up on pressuring myself to lose weight. I will weigh myself occasionally, just to make sure I'm not blimping out but for now I've had enough. I'm tired of fighting.