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Need some help

Friday, May 17, 2013

I'm feeling pretty terrible at the moment. I've been through some trauma today--mostly dealing with my husband. I'm not going to husband bash here but suffice it to say that the situation has left me feeling very shaky ....and like going out for a burger fries, and milkshake. I know that if I did that it would be a purely self-destructive thing to do...it would be an evidence of just not giving a crap anymore. Which is basically the path my husband is taking....so what sense is it that I would go and do the very thing I'm mad at him for doing? It makes no sense. But there it is. I kind of feel like, "Well if he doesn't care about his life or about me enough to take care of himself, then why should I give a flying crap about me either?

But I know that that is a negative, self destructive way of showing lack of concern about myself. And that is NOT really what I want. I want someone to care about me. To want to take care of me and protect me. I want someone to care about themselves alongside of me caring about MYself. I have to be tough here. I have to say, "Do what you want to destroy yourself, but I am worth more. I am worth taking care of. I am worth making a fighting effort to save." The only problem is that I don't really believe that at the moment. At the moment I feel like throwing in the towel and going belly up.

I really just feel like going to bed....and not getting up for several days. Tonight's dinner that my daughter chose will take some effort to make and I don't want to make any effort. I want to order pizza and lose myself in the greasy cheese.

Needless to say I need some support here. I need something from you readers. I'm not sure what I want you to say but I want you to Make it Better somehow. Good luck with that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    praying that today brings fresh strength for your journey. good on you for fighting against the yucks. emoticon
    2680 days ago
    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now, Cynthia but you need to be kind to the lady in the mirror. You ARE worth it. Even if your husband is blind to it and is being self-destructive, there's no reason for you to slip into your old ways.

    Two days ago, you were ecstatic because you were almost to Onederland! If you sabotage yourself, you'll never get there. Is that what you want?

    I agree with the others. You need to talk to your minister and figure out whether you have to stick with this way of life or whether there are other options. I cannot imagine staying with someone who makes you feel so bad about yourself.

    Take care.

    emoticon emoticon
    2680 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6295915
    You need to say to yourself " I AM WORTH EVERY EFFORT TO IMPROVE MY HEALTH"
    If you do not care about yourself then he will never either. It is a slippery slope and is hard to overcome. I suggest you make it a goal to eat healthy, stay active and find 1 thing every day you do well or are successful at. Use the blog to post so we can cheer you on and be that support you need right now.
    Realize also you cannot change someone who does not want to change.
    This was hard for me to accept because i thought i could fix everything but i was wrong in my own life. Do you have any close friends that can help give you daily encouragement?
    I do not want to say any more i am sure the advice of others will prove valuable emoticon
    2680 days ago
  • RDEE22
    Give yourself a hug and feel the warmth. You are worth it. emoticon
    2680 days ago
  • _LINDA
    Excellent advice already, your minister is the best bet for advice, they have seen it all and are great counselors. You have to remind yourself of one thing. This healthy lifestyle is for YOU. You are doing it for YOU and no one else. You can't force a grown adult to eat the proper things. You must realize he is totally responsible for his own actions and that you can't blame yourself (and don't let him blame you either) You know eating healthy and weighing less will make you feel better. Do you not have enough pain in your life? Don't add mental anguish over a weight loss yo yo dieting cycle. Decide once and for all you are going to be as healthy as your body will let you. If your family wants to trash their lives with junk, let them take care of it themselves. If they want you to provide meals, they will have to eat what is put in front of them or go hungry or get their own stuff. Healthy food doesn't have to be bland or boring. You can spice it up with salt alternatives. You can use healthy oils (olive oil) sparingly. Spark recipes really does good with substitutions to make old favorites into healthy makeovers. You can actually make a healthy pizza (and blot the cheese to make it even more so.)
    Please take care of yourself, you are so worth it.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2681 days ago
    emoticon I know it's hard but just keep
    telling yourself YOU ARE WORTH IT!!
    Just hang on and stay strong emoticon
    2681 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    I feel for you my lovely friend .. Yours is a terrible situation. But eating like your hubby is not going to help or solve anything.
    He is old enough to take responsibility for himself.. You cannot make him do what he really needs to do . But having said that, You can show him how healthy you can be by eating well yourself .. There are many healthy alternatives even a low cal pizza ..
    You are one tough lady and I admire you greatly .. You have had so much to to face with your own health .. I think you need to just let him get his own meals and you look after yourself . Your daughter is old enough to cook also ..
    This is your life .. Look after it xxx love you my friend .. Susie emoticon
    2681 days ago
    If you want to eat pizza to hurt yourself I would tell you not to do it. But if you are too tired and upset today to have to make dinner, you need to be kind to yourself. Pizza does not have to be bad. I order thin crust with eggplant, tomato, artichoke and red onion. I eat 3 pieces and take the rest home to spread out over the weekend. when I was at weight watchers it would fit into my points for the week.
    Enjoy every bite, eat slowly, sometimes I do not eat the crust. Ever little bit helps.
    You have to remember not to punish yourself because someone upset you. Treat yourself nice.
    I hope you get to go to bed early, things will look better in the morning.
    2681 days ago
    I'm not especially good at this sort of thing, Cynthia, but it sounds to me as though you are approaching a crossroads, where you have some decisions to make. Is there someone "neutral" - a doctor, a minister, a counselor - with whom you could talk? Someone who can be detached from the situation and perhaps help guide you to options you can consider? You have the rest of your life, be it short or long, to live - please don't spend it in despair, letting circumstances buffet you about so you can only react to whatever happens. Be proactive and take charge. If your husband (forgive my being blunt) died tomorrow, what would you do? Is your life better with him or without him? If you were on your own, what would your plan be?

    Please see if you can find someone who isn't too close to discuss what's happening. If nothing else, it may help you sort out your feelings, so you can begin to take charge of your future and take care of yourself, even with your husband by your side.
    2681 days ago
    Hey, you are having a bad day. This journey is not an all or nothing trip. Take one day at a time, one minute at a time.

    Get out of the house and go for a walk. The fresh air always clears my head. Walk fast, then walk slow, walk fast again. By the time you get back home you will feel better. Take a deep breath and get back on track.

    We are each responsible for our own feelings. Don't let him pull your triggers. Resist and maybe he will let you pull him up to where he wants to be. God loves you both. Make healthy choices and you will be showing hubby that it can be done and you will do it. Habits are hard to change because we have been doing them for so darned long.

    Take heart and have courage. Lift your eyes to the Lord when hubby pulls your chain and let the Lord help you cope. Value yourself as the wonderful creation that you are.

    2681 days ago
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