Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Well...fast-forward a few years, and here we are again! I'm back under 200 (last weigh in was 182 pounds), and I'm waiting until my next check-up at the doctor before my next weigh-in. It's been pretty liberating to not sweat weekly weigh-ins, and though the curiosity can often wear on my patience, it has served me well.
I'm on day 7 of another Whole 30, and it's kind of wearing me out. Perhaps it was too soon to start another one (after all, I just finished my first one in the beginning of March), and maybe I should have waited until June 1. I wanted to do this one now, while my ankle is still healing in the boot. I figured I'd lose more weight in this month than if I did just straight-up Paleo with 3 cheats per week, but I'm close to giving in. Maybe, again, it was too soon. However, I will follow-through with it, as I'm certain the benefits will far outweigh these temporary doubts I'm having. After this Whole 30...it's likely I'll wait another 3-6 months before doing another one. Or, if I hit my goal weight before then, maybe I'll reward myself with a 6-month break before the next Whole 30, provided I do a good job with maintaining my weight loss.
You know, the first time I lost a bunch of weight, my life was thrown into a massive mess-pile with all the stuff going on; stress, loss of a job, moving to another state, losing my closest family member, economic challenges, assimilating to a new environment, getting a new job and feeling a bit lost...it added up. So did the pounds.
This time, I fell under 200 again, and then fell on my ass. Well, not so much my ass, more like my ankle and my face. Broke my ankle and had a black eye, but still, 2 months into the healing process, and I've LOST 11 pounds by eating clean, maintaining my upper-body workouts, and treating myself well. Sure, there were some indulgences in there (especially during the first week - post-surgery, pain medication, not being able to drive meant lots of take-out and delivery). I still ate fairly reasonable portions, though. I often don't give myself enough credit when I know I deserve it.
I was hoping this time around, things would "change" for me. 75+ pounds down in this journey, and I'm still the same woman. Sure, confidence is up and my tolerance for b.s. is nil, but I still self-criticize, I'm still very sensitive, and I still have the same effing issues with my family. Perhaps that will always be the same, and my ways of coping will improve. I mean, they really have, and I have to give myself kudos for that.
We all have things about ourselves that we want to change, and I just want to be kinder to myself, let mistakes go, and just learn to get better about forgiving myself.
The past is history, and the future is uncertain. Let me find peace and calm in the gift that is the present.