Trip to Rheumatologist
Thursday, June 06, 2013
I went yesterday back to see the rheumatologist who had diagnosed me with Psoriatic Arthritis back in 2008. This is my fifth official year of having the disease and it has all but completely crippled me in that time. The doctor who is a lovely man from the Islands, tested and examined all my joints. He clucked his tongue and shook his head....numerous times repeating "You are very very bad." He told me he was going to do bloodwork and xrays and then wanted me to come back in three weeks, because "We have to try to help you." He told me that very very soon I will have zero quality of life and that my muscles would all be destroyed as well as my joints.
I know he is going to put me on a battery of medicines...many of them toxic. Probably back on Methotrexate which made my hair fall out the first time. The second time it made it completely straight....My hair has JUST NOW recovered from my last bout of MTX two years ago.
Right now, I am scared. I am scared of the medicines....and scared of what the future holds for me. I know I am in bad shape. I have great GREAT difficulty in moving. It is hard for me to get to standing from sitting. Hard for me to move myself in my bed.I pretty much have to lay where I land and can't turn over or adjust myself.
My feet are getting worse and worse and when it gets to the point where I need a wheelchair, I will no longer be able to live in my house because it is not wheelchair accessible. The future is dark and frightening. I try not to think of it ever. Never "go there" but the visit to the doctor made it all more real.
I am going back in the end of this month to the doctor. Please pray for me...and pray that the doctor will have wisdom what medicines to put me on.