I'm no stranger to moving
especially in the last 2 yrs., but I'm not giving up and I'm getting ready to focus on getting back on track this Summer! I loss slowly and consistently for 5 yrs. then struggled for the last 2. I suspect I'm still missing that mental/spiritual healing that many times needs to take place in order for everything to work together. After yo-yoing my entire life, it gets harder to convince myself that I can do this, but I MUST keep trying. It's the least I can do.
I'm returning from a month long vacation on which I learned a lot, played a lot, and ate out a lot!
I've been back a week and am ready to get back to a more healthy routine. I'm trying not to punish myself for the weight gain I repeated from last summer doing the exact same thing-visiting and playing with a lot of friends I don't see often, and going out to eat, enjoying the old favorite foods I no longer have access to living away from that city. When will I learn? Socializing doesn't HAVE to be about the food or the excess of it all at least!
One thing I did learn while on vacation was that I am interested in learning about D.B.T. skills (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)and that it may be a gateway to emotional healing and effective communication. I'm hoping it will open the door to a way to find out what mental block I have and address it finally. I've said all along, I'm not in denial, I truly don't know what it is that keeps me from feeling like I can live a healthful happy life. I have my issues, and I'm not afraid to look at them, I just don't know exactly how to navigate myself through them to a more positive place. I will take some time now to really look at how to incorporate these new skills and I am hoping it will naturally lead to weight loss success as well!
I don't know why it's such a hard lesson for me to learn
but I still believe an attitude of gratitude goes a looooong way. I am reminded again this morning to choose to be happy today instead of waiting for my mind, my body, my marriage, my friends, my finances, my family, my home, my car, to look perfect! Same goes for my weight loss progress or lack of!
I can keep trying to make it a healthier day no matter the level of fitness I've fallen back to, no matter what hurts today, what I ate yesterday, or the enormity of the challenges ahead. I can be grateful for all the good that can be found in all these areas of my life which will ALWAYS be a work in progress!
So as I lick my wounds and hang on to the knowledge of what works for me and the benefit of staying on the healthier track, I'm not making excuses for the trail of missteps and unwanted gains of the past. I'm neither giving up and avoiding failure by refusing to keep on trying. I'm determined to dig my way out...AGAIN! If I'm honest, I'm not even highly motivated right now. Just barely enough to show up for more fitness, and plan better meals. Motivation may come and go, but I have to decide to show up for myself regardless. I'll keep picking myself up and trying again and again because the alternative is death. Death of quality AND quantity of life. I don't want to wait till the last hour! I want to feel alive, happy, and connected with my dreams as soon as and for as long as possible! I don't want to just survive, fake contentment to avoid pity, and get by in life anymore! I want to drive, thrive, and inspire!
I'm going to be home a month and then go on another "vacation" for 6-8 weeks and I will NOT let it be one of "those vacations" again! I will continue to incorporate more and more healthy habits, increase and intensify my fitness and enjoy the company of friends without added calories!