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TOSHIKO120
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It Gets Harder And Harder But I Keep On

Friday, June 21, 2013

I'm no stranger to moving emoticon and emoticon that wretched emoticon especially in the last 2 yrs., but I'm not giving up and I'm getting ready to focus on getting back on track this Summer! I loss slowly and consistently for 5 yrs. then struggled for the last 2. I suspect I'm still missing that mental/spiritual healing that many times needs to take place in order for everything to work together. After yo-yoing my entire life, it gets harder to convince myself that I can do this, but I MUST keep trying. It's the least I can do.

I'm returning from a month long vacation on which I learned a lot, played a lot, and ate out a lot! emoticon I've been back a week and am ready to get back to a more healthy routine. I'm trying not to punish myself for the weight gain I repeated from last summer doing the exact same thing-visiting and playing with a lot of friends I don't see often, and going out to eat, enjoying the old favorite foods I no longer have access to living away from that city. When will I learn? Socializing doesn't HAVE to be about the food or the excess of it all at least! emoticon

One thing I did learn while on vacation was that I am interested in learning about D.B.T. skills (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)and that it may be a gateway to emotional healing and effective communication. I'm hoping it will open the door to a way to find out what mental block I have and address it finally. I've said all along, I'm not in denial, I truly don't know what it is that keeps me from feeling like I can live a healthful happy life. I have my issues, and I'm not afraid to look at them, I just don't know exactly how to navigate myself through them to a more positive place. I will take some time now to really look at how to incorporate these new skills and I am hoping it will naturally lead to weight loss success as well!

I don't know why it's such a hard lesson for me to learn emoticon but I still believe an attitude of gratitude goes a looooong way. I am reminded again this morning to choose to be happy today instead of waiting for my mind, my body, my marriage, my friends, my finances, my family, my home, my car, to look perfect! Same goes for my weight loss progress or lack of! emoticon I can keep trying to make it a healthier day no matter the level of fitness I've fallen back to, no matter what hurts today, what I ate yesterday, or the enormity of the challenges ahead. I can be grateful for all the good that can be found in all these areas of my life which will ALWAYS be a work in progress! emoticon

So as I lick my wounds and hang on to the knowledge of what works for me and the benefit of staying on the healthier track, I'm not making excuses for the trail of missteps and unwanted gains of the past. I'm neither giving up and avoiding failure by refusing to keep on trying. I'm determined to dig my way out...AGAIN! If I'm honest, I'm not even highly motivated right now. Just barely enough to show up for more fitness, and plan better meals. Motivation may come and go, but I have to decide to show up for myself regardless. I'll keep picking myself up and trying again and again because the alternative is death. Death of quality AND quantity of life. I don't want to wait till the last hour! I want to feel alive, happy, and connected with my dreams as soon as and for as long as possible! I don't want to just survive, fake contentment to avoid pity, and get by in life anymore! I want to drive, thrive, and inspire! emoticon

I'm going to be home a month and then go on another "vacation" for 6-8 weeks and I will NOT let it be one of "those vacations" again! I will continue to incorporate more and more healthy habits, increase and intensify my fitness and enjoy the company of friends without added calories!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TOSHIKO120
    Marilyn - No of course not! It's caused me to reread it and that has been good for me as well! Thank you for the highest of compliments!
    2408 days ago
  • CHOOSETHERESULT
    Great blog!
    2409 days ago
  • AMARILYNH
    I hope you don't mind me referring my friends to your blog - its AWESOME!
    2409 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/2/2014 3:18:48 PM
  • AMARILYNH
    I SOOOO love this blog!! I suspect many, many SparkPeople members will relate - if this was 'easy' there would be no need for a SparkPeople!

    Welcome to the Violet Virtuosos team - I help our support and love will help you in your continuing journey!
    2413 days ago
  • KIM22211
    vacations were my nemesis! ugh! I failed terribly last year! Thankfully we didn't go this year on any so I was able to stay focused. The longer my journey the better equipped I will be to handle them! Good for you girl!! You are rocking!!!! Sizzle away!!
    2627 days ago
  • MUSCLE-UP
    Wow! I love this blog. Thank you.
    2691 days ago
  • MEVILL
    You can get yourself back on track. It sounds like you learned a lot about yourself lately, and now to process everything! emoticon , no matter how much you don't want to. The hardest part is starting...once you've started, you'll be well on your way! Enjoy your next vacation! I'm heading to Maine next weekend and will be away from home for 4 weeks. I know how easy it is to fall out of a routine. We can get through the summer stronger and healthier than ever before! Team Amethyst is here for you!! emoticon
    2721 days ago
  • SUSANPEI
    I love that you said you're not highly motivated right now, but that you're doing it anyway. I think this is a big key to weight loss. One of my favourite blogs talks about this - it's entitled "Motivation Schmotivation". I sometimes use this as a sort of mantra. (You can read it here: http://pastaqueen.com/blog/2007/05/
    motivation-schmotivation/) We can't wait around to start getting motivated; we just have to DO IT! emoticon
    2722 days ago
  • 40_4ME4FAMILY
    I don't want you to be away again for 8 weeks :-( Promise you will check in! Explain dbt and how you hope it will help you? I am with you. Ever since my working out got nipped when I was pregnant...I've just never got back on track all the way. I know we can do this and it's learning to do it now matter the circumstances (home, away from home, life changes, etc.). You CAN do this! We CAN!
    2723 days ago
  • NANCYPAT1
    What a great blog - it is really important to do the emotional and/or psychological work and it isn't always easy. You are right that sometimes the pieces all have to come together in order for this process to be successful.
    2724 days ago
  • MSELEANOR1957
    awesome blog, you can do it!
    2724 days ago
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