Wish I were doing better
Sunday, August 25, 2013
I am stuck and unhappy. Not so much with eating, but with life. I always feel unloved, lonely, depressed, and stuck. I am loved greatly by my husband but otherwise, I feel as though people are only face value. I suppose I could let my guard down but I don't know. I don't care to trust people because everyone feels fake to me. Even from my family, its as though I don't exist until I do something wrong or gain weight. No matter what I do, its not good enough, even for myself. I am taking St. John's Wart but it only helps a little. I am swamped by debt, $120,000 student loan debt on top of everything else. What did I do to myself, why do I do this to myself. I don't think I'm being fair to myself and I normally pull myself up by my boot straps but I just can't anymore.
Every single day feels the same as the last. Nothing ever changes, I can predict it all. I normally love ruts but this one is deep.