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Wish I were doing better

Sunday, August 25, 2013

I am stuck and unhappy. Not so much with eating, but with life. I always feel unloved, lonely, depressed, and stuck. I am loved greatly by my husband but otherwise, I feel as though people are only face value. I suppose I could let my guard down but I don't know. I don't care to trust people because everyone feels fake to me. Even from my family, its as though I don't exist until I do something wrong or gain weight. No matter what I do, its not good enough, even for myself. I am taking St. John's Wart but it only helps a little. I am swamped by debt, $120,000 student loan debt on top of everything else. What did I do to myself, why do I do this to myself. I don't think I'm being fair to myself and I normally pull myself up by my boot straps but I just can't anymore.

Every single day feels the same as the last. Nothing ever changes, I can predict it all. I normally love ruts but this one is deep.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds a lot like depression to me too.
    If you have a husband that loves you then you are luckier than a lot of people. Just know that You Are Good Enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What you do Is Good Enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Posting your feelings is a good start, to letting go of them, but I would also recommend talking to a doctor.
    Hope you feel better soon.
    2590 days ago
    Hang in there girl and just trust and know that things will get better!!!! emoticon
    2591 days ago
  • L-RIOT
    Thank you everyone!! I am really trying to get a handle on myself.
    2591 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13955287
    This sounds a lot like depression and I would also recommend talking to a doctor. I, too, feel this way often. St. John's doesn't mix with my birth control so I take Valerian root instead when I'm stressed out. I hope you get out of this rut soon.

    2591 days ago
  • JO74555
    also... debt has a way of eating into spiritual well being. Please, of all the things, just pay what you can and let go of the worry. It wouldn't hurt to talk to someone about negative feelings you are experiencing. Don't beat yourself up over feelings. They come and go. Some days are better than others. Feelings are just that... feelings. They aren't wrong, they aren't right, they just are. Don't dwell on the fact that you feel bad or tell yourself that it's a bad thing... feel what you're feeling and move on to the next order of business. Depression can be debilitating and if you possibly can, please talk to your doctor about it. But until you can, you can blog here... it is good to get your feelings out and even though we have never met, I do care and I have felt all that you're
    going through. I know how it feels to go to the "dark places" and think nobody really cares or understands. But people do care.
    2591 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2036709
    It sounds like you are suffering from depression. You really need to see your Dr. and see about getting some help. There is a huge number of people suffering from it even small children. Please have it checked out, you really need to know.
    2591 days ago
    Take one day at a time! Talk with your Dr. and see if you can get a prescription for something stronger..I think most women need a mood changer (cause of hormones, etc) by their mid 40's or so . Also think about doing some volunteering to get out of yourself..Stop the negative reflectioning. You have value AND DON'T FORGET IT! Positivity starts with YoU
    2591 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/25/2013 7:37:45 PM
    2591 days ago
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