Changes? or Status Quo?
Monday, December 16, 2013
today I got a call from a nurse at Cigna health insurance company. She was asking me questions about all of my medicines...on and on she droned...I kept nodding off. INitially I would make her repeat her question to me and finally just tried to pretend like I knew what she was saying. Anyway because I take an antidepressant, she did this depression scale where she asked me questions. For some reason I was inexplicably tired and either had to ask her to repeat the question or fake it. The last question i was totally lost...she had caught me nodding off....so she analyzed my responses and came up with a bunch of numbers and letters to give to my psychiatrist. She said I am depressed and it needs to be addressed. I don't know about depressed ...but I was certainly tired!!
I have really been sleeping a lot....which after suffering decades of insomnia ....I will gladly take any sleep I can get. Pain interrupts my sleep constantly...and so does my cat.....so I happily nap once or twice in a day. It's ridiculous to talk to anyone. I think I have more insight into my problems than any one else could ever have....and I also am NOT going to see a counselor and pay another copay. She's having some woman call me on New Years's Eve. Let them talk ....I'm not changing meds...this one has been a miracle.
Yes I sleep a lot....I have a disease that makes me need a lot of sleep. I no longer drive there's no reason for me to try to stay awake. I'm glad to get sleep. Am I depressed? Well, probably I am. I"m stuck in difficult and loveless marriage; I'm in unbelievable pain 24/7 and I've had to give up almost every thing I used to do that brought me joy.
But I also have faith in God and I know that he will restore to me the years the "locusts have eaten"....I know that in his kingdom, I will be fully restored to health. It's just a matter of being faithful to the end.
So I can wait. I can wait for my new body and the restoration of all things.
yes, i get sad. But I refuse to participate in a pity party.
They can ask questions and make suggestions til they are blue in the face.....It won't change anything for better or for worse.