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Changes? or Status Quo?

Monday, December 16, 2013

today I got a call from a nurse at Cigna health insurance company. She was asking me questions about all of my medicines...on and on she droned...I kept nodding off. INitially I would make her repeat her question to me and finally just tried to pretend like I knew what she was saying. Anyway because I take an antidepressant, she did this depression scale where she asked me questions. For some reason I was inexplicably tired and either had to ask her to repeat the question or fake it. The last question i was totally lost...she had caught me nodding off....so she analyzed my responses and came up with a bunch of numbers and letters to give to my psychiatrist. She said I am depressed and it needs to be addressed. I don't know about depressed ...but I was certainly tired!!

I have really been sleeping a lot....which after suffering decades of insomnia ....I will gladly take any sleep I can get. Pain interrupts my sleep constantly...and so does my cat.....so I happily nap once or twice in a day. It's ridiculous to talk to anyone. I think I have more insight into my problems than any one else could ever have....and I also am NOT going to see a counselor and pay another copay. She's having some woman call me on New Years's Eve. Let them talk ....I'm not changing meds...this one has been a miracle.

Yes I sleep a lot....I have a disease that makes me need a lot of sleep. I no longer drive there's no reason for me to try to stay awake. I'm glad to get sleep. Am I depressed? Well, probably I am. I"m stuck in difficult and loveless marriage; I'm in unbelievable pain 24/7 and I've had to give up almost every thing I used to do that brought me joy.

Sad. Yes.
But I also have faith in God and I know that he will restore to me the years the "locusts have eaten"....I know that in his kingdom, I will be fully restored to health. It's just a matter of being faithful to the end.

So I can wait. I can wait for my new body and the restoration of all things.
yes, i get sad. But I refuse to participate in a pity party.

They can ask questions and make suggestions til they are blue in the face.....It won't change anything for better or for worse.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    2468 days ago
    i empathize with your situation. and i'm praying God gives you everything you need to run your race with grace. emoticon
    2468 days ago
  • _LINDA
    For sure you don't need anyone to tell you are depressed or to talk to you about it. There is nothing they can do to make it better. Only a cure will do that.
    The waiting and hoping things will get better is the hardest part, especially when they are getting relentlessly worse :(
    Its almost a shame you couldn't get out of there and live in an assisted living facility. You are looked after better in the hospital!!
    Sleep. Its the best escape. Enjoy what you can snatch away.
    Wishing an angel of mercy would come and sweep you away and give you the Christmas and love you deserve..
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2469 days ago
    2469 days ago
    The chronic pain of RA led to my getting depression. You have plenty to deal with so it would be more than understandable. It is a real illness that can be debilitating, even life-threatening. Antidepressants can help, combined with therapy can be even more effective (but more to do and more $ going to copayments might just be added stress). A total of 3 hours a week of physical activity has been proven to work as well as meds. Any physical activity might help.

    I think your faith is your biggest strength. Refusing to go to the pity party is great too. God bless you. I am praying every day for you and all the RAD team.
    2470 days ago
  • PGHP31CK
    Sending lots of hugs & prayers.
    2470 days ago
    My insurance has a program kind of like that to have a nurse check up on you but I have never taken them up on it or answered their calls. I see my oncologist once per month, my internist twice per year, and my pain specialist every 8 weeks; on top of that, I see my chemo nurse 3 times per month, so I think between all that, I'm being looked over pretty well!

    I agree with you; I would just stick to the advice given by the doctors and nurses you actually see in person, not a stranger over the phone.
    2470 days ago
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