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Reflection

Sunday, April 27, 2014

I have not been here in ages. I think I might have logged in last YEAR. I track my food on MyFitnessPal and while I have "friends" there, it is not like the relationships I had here. Spark is home. Spark is family. However, I do not have the time to sit a computer and think, write or click about food right now. At best, I point my phone at a bar code or tap my Iphone for a saved meal that I eat often. And yet, I have lost weight. 67 pounds in the last year.

And none of it went down like I would have thought.

God is funny that way: He answers your prayers, but in a different color, in another language, from another place.

God delights in surprises.

Last summer, my husband, who used to roll his eyes as I dragged my cans and bags to the computer after cooking to put in my SparkRecipes, was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure. VERY High Blood Pressure. It wasn't good at all. And in that way that is both brilliant and maddening, he totally changed his life--overnight. And alas, it was me looking to him for support, a role model and all around help.

Yesterday, he ran his first 5k--in 30 minutes flat. I walked some and ran a little and finished in 42:00. My best time ever, even though I haven't been running. Later that evening, we celebrated his breaking the 100 pound barrier. 102 pounds to be exact. I am thrilled for him, though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous or confused some moments along the way. And yet, it fits. That's how he does things, quiet and committed while I stop to blog about my sweet potato pie!

At any rate, I came here to reflect and remember that this isn't a new journey. I've reached the weight I am now twice since I joined here in 2006. This time though, I don't feel the anxiety I've had before. God showed me that I didn't need another DVD or workout program. I needed my husband and I needed to know that it's okay to need support and help. So it might take as long as it takes, but I feel good knowing that even though there's still a lot of mountain to climb, this time I brought some help (and he makes a mean chicken breast!)

Thanks to all of you still here for all the love and patience you have shown me over the years. I know now that food is a big part of THIS, but there's a lot more to THIS too. Some of it I found in the blogs I wrote here. Like a repost, I'll repost below. It made me laugh because I stood on a treadmill the other day thinking that maybe I was too fat to be running after all and I'd wait until I lost some more weight. And then tonight as I looked at those race pictures and sighed at my thighs, I read this:

***Tonight I was trying to figure out when exactly I started running again. I knew I started back working out on March 22 but it took a while for me to start running again. I found this blog and it made me cry so I wanted to repost it. Sometimes it's good to remember how far God has brought you.***

REPOSTED FROM APRIL 11, 2010

Tonight I ran again. When it was time to turn home though, I didn't. I ran on, doing an old route. The last time I ran that route I was 260-ish. Today, i am 300 exactly.

But God, lover of my soul that He is, has not changed.

At that bend in the road in the third mile, where the big dogs bark and the cars run folks down, Hew as there, waiting. As I ran by, He kissed me in the wind. Oh, how I needed that kiss. i'm writing this so that I remember that this isn't just about scales or dress sizes (although for real, it's about that too).

It's about Jesus, lean and lovely, sweaty from chasing me all week, from straining to get a glimpse of me, the real me, the girl with wings and stories who dances in her panties and laughs too loud, who flies by moonlight looking for Tamar's daughters and runs a long way to find her own fool self.

She runs past the dogs, through the cars, in the dark, just to get a kiss from the King.

O God, help me to keep coming back to you. In all my weakness, be made strong. In Jesus' name. Amen.

.82 mi warmup, 4.4 mi run, .7 mi cooldown (5.92 mi)

***Lord, I thank you for meeting me that day...and this day. I thank You for making me believe that I could run four miles and some change at 300 pounds when people look at me like I'm crazy NOW. They don't know how You love crazy things and crazy people. But I know. And I'm so glad. MUAH Your baby girl***

(I don't know if I'll be tracking food here, but I think it's still a good place to keep up with my soul...)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NEED2LOSEN2010
    emoticon It's great to have your husband's support, I know it made a big difference to me , when my husband got onboard. I think it brought us even closer than we were. God is good!
    Your repost really touched me. Hope to see you here again.

    God Bless
    Sunny
    2373 days ago
  • BABY_GIRL69
    Spark is actually better than FB & other sites..glad you will back somewhat....

    God bless,

    Dee emoticon
    2374 days ago
  • LUCKYDOGFARM
    What a beautiful post! God is so good and faithful. We plan, He laughs. Keep coming back, share that inspiration!
    2374 days ago
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