I AM ME
Friday, June 27, 2014
A long time ago, I wore my emotions on my sleeve and let everybody influence how I felt. I learned that those were my emotions and belonged only to me. They were there only if I let them be. I learned not to let anybody else have so much control over me that they could affect how I felt. This realization served me well for a long time. I found so much solace in knowing this.
Recently, I have let my guard down and have let people affect my emotions. I have allowed myself to be intimidated and I don't really like it.
Everybody is different. We all live our lives differently. Some of us are "near" perfect and well educated, some of use learn slower. I am a slow learner or maybe just not as interested in the same subjects as other people. It would be a shame if we all thought and lived alike. The world would be a little dull.
Anyway, I have not reached a good dedicated place with my food yet. I still struggle with every day that comes along. I give in to temptations and really don't have the total control as others. The last 4 months (and still 1 more) have been really tough. Haven't been able to do my water aerobics since Feb or any other cardio exercises. I think I am letting that have a big influence on my food lately. Just have to get over it.
I have always tried to be humble with my weight loss and not push it on others. We are not all in the same place. My mother lost 130 pounds, but she never said and did not believe that "if I can do it, you can too." She said that we are not all in the same place at the same time. Some have had that click and others have not found it yet. I try to understand this and give those people their space and just encourage (not preach) them with their progress or lack of. I try to understand the whole picture.
I am not going to say that I will do better tomorrow or next week or next month. I just don't know yet. I just have to take each day as it gets here. Oh, my hopes are that one day my "click" will arrive and I can be as strong as others that are being successful. In the meantime, I have got to get a hold on my emotions again and quit letting people intimidate me. That I can control. I have to quit feeling ashamed because I am still struggling and have not reached that glorious sought after goal. I have got to quit being angry with me because I am failing. I have got to quit feeling sad because I have not progressed like others have. I have got to find a happy place without the intimadations of others and maybe I, too, will find my click.
In the meantime, I am me and that is all I can be. I am not here nor am I capable of making happy or pleasing others. That is strictly up to them. All I ask is that I be given understanding that I have not reached the sublime place of self satisfaction yet. I will get there. I am not quitting. Take me or leave me.
After all, I am me.