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Friday, August 22, 2014

I turned 42 a week ago. Yes, 42. Sometimes I can't really believe it. I think of the life I have led so far, and realize all of the missed opportunities. I wasted so much time.

A few years ago, I took control of my health and managed to lose 182 pounds with diet and exercise. It really wasn't that hard to do. I was so proud of who I had worked to become.

Then the plateau came....and never left. I tried EVERYTHING I could. But life got in the way: working full time, tending to my daughter with school work and extracurricular activities, an unexpected decrease in income, personal issues (female surgery), just to name a few.

Here I sit, less excited about my success. I have gained about 50 pounds (25 of which, I believe, is a result of the surgery). I feel like I have failed . Although I am still down 132 from my heaviest weight....I am blind to that in my daily life. I work at being healthy every day. I drink endless ounces of water and stay active . I believe I eat well 90% of the time. Still, nothing changes.

I recently had 3 people ,that I have known since childhood, tell me that I inspire them daily. I was shocked. Me? Inspiring? Have you seen me? Do you not realize that I put some weight back on? How is this situation inspiring? I just could not wrap my head around that. I am grateful for their statements and their support, but still baffled.

So, now I struggle with the feelings of defeat, I feel like I did when I was nearly 400 pounds - like an outsider, like I don't quite belong. I know there will be some of you out there that can relate. The mind is so powerful - it truly is unfair that I am feeling robbed of my achievement. :(

I know, though, that God is good and I know he will guide me where I need to be in my life. His will be done. I am strong. I will never stop doing the very best that I can. Prayers are always needed and welcomed.

Bring on 42.....

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    46 now and I hope still going strong.
    1229 days ago
  • _BABE_
    I like it.


    Keep it up!
    2320 days ago
    Hi! I just got back on track (today is my 2nd day back) after a few years of not thinking I had time to do SparkPeople and track everything. I did try to watch what I ate and exercise more from time to time, but for me to be successful it seems I need to track and spend the time being focused.
    I want to say that I admire you for the hard work you have done, but also for sharing your struggles. I know that you can lose the weight you've regained and I'm rooting for you! emoticon
    2355 days ago
    Isn't it true that our enemy seeks to defeat us?! To rob us of our joy? But due to several very stressful family situations in 2010, I remember feeling that way... I had been robbed of my joy. I proceeded to spend over a month, doing Bible study on "joy" - and guess what? no one can rob me of true joy, unless I give them permission...

    I don't have all the answers to the struggles you're facing.. . but, I can say this - it is real people like you who have lost the weight I need to lose, too - that inspire me. You can ask my hubby - after I found SP, I read the success stories - and found 2 very special friends here that did, indeed, lose the weight without bariatric surgeries... and I'd turn my computer around so he could see it and I'd say, "SEE? IT CAN BE DONE!" So - from my little corner of the world, I say thanks! It helps me to see my journey is not in vain.

    Can I suggest something? Perhaps you're already doing this... but... I used it with my daughter each time we had to move against her desires... (and I've used it on myself as well regarding water walking) - for every negative thing you think or say, find three things for which to be thankful. For instance: if you are saying to yourself or others that you're a failure, 3 thankful things would be reminders of what you can do now that you couldn't do when you were at your heaviest. You know... things like sitting in a booth, walking up steps... well - you know better than I - I have my own tiny list after loosing about 45 pounds. I have a lot more to lose...
    2496 days ago
    Keep on keeping on! You are awesome and truly inspiring. We all fall back a few times but the winner in you shows. You are bouncing back as all winners do. You are picking yourself back up and headed back onto a life of good health. After all, it is a Life Journey and step by step, day by day you shall succeed. Plus remember Phil.4-13 that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Thanks for sharing and inspiring me. I am a mere 62 and wishing I could have read this blog when I was 42. Good night young lady. emoticon
    2496 days ago
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