Ok, I'll write a blog.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Some of you have asked me to write an update blog.... I haven't written a blog in a long time, quite simply because I am mortified at how far I've let myself go.
My mom was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer on March 13, 2014. Every day after that was a blur. Struggling to make it through each day. I had no idea it was a blur at the time. My eating habits went to sh*t, as well as my motivation and exercise habits. I had no determination, no motivation, and was essentially giving up on everything at that point. I went to see her with my boyfriend in June, and was extremely relieved when I saw her doing better. I had visited her in April as well, when she was depressed and wouldn't leave her room, wouldn't eat and had no strength to push through this. I needed that June trip to see her doing better. However, during those three months (March, April and May) I was a disaster. I ballooned from 170 lbs to a mortifying 195 lbs. Finally in July, upon my return home from Vancouver, I started doing something about it.
I started wearing my Fit Bit again in July and tracked my food from the 14th to the 28th with no problem. When my boyfriend came home from July 28-Aug 18 I didn't track my food but I was still biking to and from work everyday and being conscious about my steps and my food. I find that when he is home I focus more on life than on weight loss. I realize I shouldn't do this but when I only have a few days with him I don't want to spend those days saying "no, I can't have a bottle of wine with you" or "sorry, thanks for making dinner but I can't eat that". That, to me, is not living. When he left again on Aug 18th I started tracking my calories again and am still wearing my Fit Bit. Unfortunately from Aug 9-18 I was extremely busy organizing a huge charity garage sale and then organizing a charity bbq so I was unable to bike to work and didn't have much time to work out.
I haven't blogged because I am embarrassed. I look at old pictures of when I thought I was fat and wish that I looked like that now. In hindsight, I shouldn't have complained then. None of my clothes fit, I just had to go buy a bigger size of jeans so I have something to wear until I lose some of this weight and can fit back into all of my clothes. I never thought I'd let myself get this huge. I am 5'1" and should never weigh this much. I am disgusted with myself. I don't want to blog, because I don't want everyone to know what a failure I have been this year. I was registered for a run in May and did not complete it. I was registered for a run in June and did not complete that either (mostly because my race package never showed up and it was in another city where you couldn't pick up a registration package on the day of).
July and August have been better months in terms of exercising. I have been running between 2-4km every few days, biking to and from work which is about 5km round trip, eating extremely healthily (except for one brownie in a mug on Monday due to a TOM craving). I have been tracking everything. Back on my Body By Vi shakes and feeling great. I have faith that this weight will come off in no time now that I have a routine again. I am turning 26 on Sept 13th and am excited to start a new year and a new "27 before 27 goal list". I registered for a 5km ElectroDash run for my birthday with my boyfriend and I am NOT backing out of that one. That will be age 26 going out with a bang.
Everything aside from weight loss is going fantastic. Boyfriend and I just celebrated one year since our first date and he bought me a diamond necklace. Mom is doing better and is almost done brain radiation. Her cancer is gone. Work is going fantastic and I have "hit my stride". Love where I am living right now. Being president of the Kinette Club is going fantastic so far and I am really confident that I will have a great year. I see lots of good things in my future career wise, relationship wise, etc. Now I just need my weight to fall back into place so I can complete that package.
There you have it.... an update blog. Hopefully many more POSITIVE blogs to follow.