Friday, October 31, 2014
First, my results: I'm good. The cysts I have are normal, the only reason I may need to go back is if they get infected again, like it had been when I had the sore on my breast. Then it may need to be removed. But that is it, I'm good!! Yay and praise God!
I'm having a hard time with the day to day. I'm having a hard time in general as well.
I had a really hard therapy session this week. It's seeped out into other things.
I need to start measuring and putting everything into SP trackers. I need to get to working out again.
I'm doing well on getting up and getting ready for the day (makeup, hair, dressed, shoes) until yesterday, the day after therapy. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I put on yoga pants and a dress/shirt thing that I wear for just around the house. Everybody needs a break now and then, so I'm not being hard on myself about it.
I need to journal but just can't, the words seem stuck inside. Blogging here is hard enough right now, my therapy journal seems impossible. It'll come, I know, eventually. For now I feel like I'm in a daze, lost in how I used to feel/be. Panic seems to be right below the surface, exhausting me. I don't have much more to give. I am preemptively taking my medication so that I don't have a panic attack. I need to snap out of it and come back to the present. I'm needed here and the past can't hurt me any more. In my head I know this is true, but try convincing my amygdala and the rest of me.
I'm not looking forward to taking the girls to CC today. I would skip it, but I know they need it. Plus, this is what I signed up for. I knew that every Friday I'd be going to take them to classes and that I'd have to participate. I'm so lost feeling right now though, I don't know if I can handle it. I guess I'll find out!
Sorry about the ramblings, but I'm having a hard time concentrating on just one thought. I suppose my mind doesn't want to focus on what I need to be thinking through so it is jumping from thought to thought to keep me distracted. Every now and then my mind will touch on what I need to be thinking about and then I'll have my 'squirrel!" moment and off into chasing thoughts I go. Hopefully my mind can stay focused enough to get me through this morning.