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Ramblings

Friday, October 31, 2014

First, my results: I'm good. The cysts I have are normal, the only reason I may need to go back is if they get infected again, like it had been when I had the sore on my breast. Then it may need to be removed. But that is it, I'm good!! Yay and praise God!

I'm having a hard time with the day to day. I'm having a hard time in general as well.

I had a really hard therapy session this week. It's seeped out into other things.

I need to start measuring and putting everything into SP trackers. I need to get to working out again.

I'm doing well on getting up and getting ready for the day (makeup, hair, dressed, shoes) until yesterday, the day after therapy. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I put on yoga pants and a dress/shirt thing that I wear for just around the house. Everybody needs a break now and then, so I'm not being hard on myself about it.

I need to journal but just can't, the words seem stuck inside. Blogging here is hard enough right now, my therapy journal seems impossible. It'll come, I know, eventually. For now I feel like I'm in a daze, lost in how I used to feel/be. Panic seems to be right below the surface, exhausting me. I don't have much more to give. I am preemptively taking my medication so that I don't have a panic attack. I need to snap out of it and come back to the present. I'm needed here and the past can't hurt me any more. In my head I know this is true, but try convincing my amygdala and the rest of me.

I'm not looking forward to taking the girls to CC today. I would skip it, but I know they need it. Plus, this is what I signed up for. I knew that every Friday I'd be going to take them to classes and that I'd have to participate. I'm so lost feeling right now though, I don't know if I can handle it. I guess I'll find out!

Sorry about the ramblings, but I'm having a hard time concentrating on just one thought. I suppose my mind doesn't want to focus on what I need to be thinking through so it is jumping from thought to thought to keep me distracted. Every now and then my mind will touch on what I need to be thinking about and then I'll have my 'squirrel!" moment and off into chasing thoughts I go. Hopefully my mind can stay focused enough to get me through this morning.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LINDA!
    I am so happy about the fact that the cyst problem is not serious. Definitely, Praise God. emoticon Try to take some quiet time for yourself. You deserve it.
    1980 days ago
  • KADULAC
    You can do it, just take one step at a time and you will get there. I hope you can get to your journal soon and that will help you relax and get back to where you want to be.
    1980 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13755987
    great news about the cyst

    sounds like maybe you think you need to do everything
    maybe just focus on a couple of things for a couple more weeks - you'll burn out if you try to start too many new things all at once - stick to what you did last week and when that becomes routine then add one more new thing (just my opinion, not trying to tell you what to do)

    sending emoticon
    1981 days ago
  • SEWINGMAMACDS
    emoticon
    1981 days ago
  • AZMOMXTWO
    so good to read that all is ok with you and the mamo follow up part

    i get so busy and scattered that I can't follow a single thought threw so i think you are just fine

    prayers that you get it back to where you want it to be

    have a good day
    1981 days ago
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