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Back on the horse again, after my hardest and farthest fall EVER....

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Saturday, November 01, 2014

So after totally derailing my running and weight loss efforts, I had to take a long hard look at myself. It has been very humbling (and expensive) having to continuously buy bigger clothes. I have had a lot of hardships and disappointment as of late, such as my upcoming divorce and the recent loss of my job. I used these as an excuse to succumb to the comfort of food and drown my misery in TV and nacho cheese. My newest set of bigger clothes were starting to get tight. It was either buy more clothes one size bigger, or start losing weight again, so I can fit in the ones I have now. I cannot afford to do that financially, emotionally, or mentally. So.......

I took my measurements for the first time since I hit my 100 lbs. weight lost milestone in April. It wasn't pretty. To say I felt defeated is an understatement. I figured I had hit a crossroads in my life. It took me 4 years to lose a 100 lbs. and I gained back half that amount in 6 months. I had a choice to make. I could just say "F" it, and figure I have gone past the point of no return, or I could get back on the horse. This is the farthest I have fallen in my weight loss journey in the 4 years I have been on it. The horse seemed to be 1000 ft. tall, and I needed to climb one hell of a ladder to get back on. I did get back on though. This is only day 1 back on the horse, but it is a start.

I put on my spandex and toe socks. I put on my ankle brace socks and my Cho Pat knee brace. I put on my Saucony running shoes, and I got on the treadmill (after removing the shirt I had laid on top of it to dry, because that is what my treadmill had become these last several months.....just another drying rack). I could not even run a mile. I had to stop at .72 miles. This from the woman who ran half a marathon less than a year ago. Then I got on the elliptical and ran 1 mile, since I couldn't run anymore, but wanted to still burn more calories.

Between the 2 activities, it was one of the hardest workouts of my life. As I went to enter my 2 activities into runkeeper, feeling embarrassed and ashamed, I realized that today's workout brought me to total of 1000 miles completed between elliptical and running for the year of 2014. After my least successful workout EVER, I hit one of the biggest milestones in my entire life. I take it as a sign. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. While I did derail the train, I got it back onto the track before it crashed. For that I am grateful. Tomorrow's workout will be better. The best thing about finally making the decision to workout today, is that the chances are a whole lot more likely, that there will be a workout tomorrow.

At the end of the day, I have to tell myself, that even harder than the .72 mile run, taking my measurements, and taking ownership of how far I had fallen, was harder. Now that I have done so, I know I am on my way, back to smaller clothes, and a more forgiving weight on the scale.

Forgive the rant, but part of taking ownership of how far one has fallen, actually accepting it, and preparing to make a change, is to share it with others. Thank you for reading.
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