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BETHGILLIGAN
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It's the same old song....

Sunday, December 28, 2014

In September I was up, up, up. Well, I've been down and up a couple of times since then. Right now I am definitely down but fighting to get back up.
Exercise and diet were going fairly well and then....well, I don't know what then. I got sick? I got busy? I lost a few pounds and got complacent? The answer to all of these is yes.
As many of you know, exercise motivation is a real problem for me. Almost the minute I take a day off, I'm done. I don't know why. I keep trying to figure out why but I'm not sure that question can be answered by anyone but me. I have always been low energy and I don't like to exercise although I love how it makes me feel.
If I get fairly consistent, feel good and start seeing some results I seem to immediately back off. It's almost like I'm afraid to lose the weight.
If I get sick I immediately stop exercising and then have a major problem getting back to it. I just can't seem to find that internal motivation---maybe I have none. Maybe I just need to make an everyday decision as to what I'm going to do.
I have been a member of Spark since December 20, 2009 and am at my all time high weight. I asked for no pictures to be taken at Christmas (head shots only) because I hate the way I look.
I've started to take some steps to get back on track. I have contacted a wellness coach at Kaiser. I've talked to her once (it's by phone). We'll see--jury is out on that one. I have signed up for a senior aerobics class that starts mid January. I used to love classes but then hated classes. I'm hoping this class will help make me more accountable. I have bought a fitbit one; hoping that will help motivate me.
I'm starting to feel a bit optimistic and even excited to get started again. But, this is not my first rodeo. Been here many times before and here I am again. No real gains. What makes me think I can do it this time? Never been successful before. It seems the initial "romance" of starting over fades for me and the "disillusionment" of the everyday grind sets in. Then it starts all over. I can't seem to ever make it through that disillusionment. OR, I am fairly successful; disillusionment has not yet set in but I start slacking because I feel better and look better and think I've got it "handled". Wrong.
So, negative or positive, I can't/won't/haven't continued to push through to any lasting success. I don't even care if I lose just a bit of weight--I want to look better (toned) and feel better. I want it but just can't seem to make that long term commitment. emoticon
This makes me feel frustrated, angry, and ashamed, disgusted.
Well, this is another beginning. Here I go....gonna open that fitbit!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BESSHAILE
    Oh wow - I can see why my comment yesterday about resisting getting to goal struck a chord.

    So I hope yo u read the article by Dean Anderson today. Here's the link but you'll have to cut and paste:

    http://www.sparkpeopl
    e.com/resource/motivation_artic
    les.asp?id=759

    It's his first "tip" = that you don't lack motivation. You want to opposite things. You want to lie on the couch where you are comfortable AND you want to exercise. You want to have a healthy lunch and you want to stop at Paneras with your girlfriends.

    I love this. It demystifies things. It turns them into choices. No way to blame it on circumstances, holidays, weather, illness. Just admit you chose. I'm taking this idea with me and building on it.

    hugs to you and happy new year.
    2121 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    Sweet sparkpeep-
    SNAP OUT OF IT!
    (as Cher said in Moonstruck)
    You cannot allow all this negativity to overwhelm you like that.
    Take it one day at a time-
    your fitbit will help with that-
    I love mine- although I changed my daily steps goal to 5000 when my bursitis flared up a few months ago. I also go in there (and on SP) and track my one hour of water therapy 2-3 times a week as I feel I got gypped out of steps.
    Also, the weekly Fitbit report is motivating for me.
    Did you know there is a fitbit team?
    Do you find challenges helpful (I don't)?
    I watch the national news every night and if my steps are low I sometimes walk in place.
    I joined SP in JANUARY of 2009, lost almost 30 lbs and have s-l-o-w-l-y regained about 20 of it back-SUX!- but I am not giving up or imagine how big I would be?
    emoticon
    2127 days ago
  • NORASPAT
    Hi there you are determined to get it all together, your fitbit and kaiser. I think I get my motivation from blogging. When i tell people about things they evaluate and give you feedback. I know it is time consuming and with my poor computer skills I spend a lot of time here. No=w it is cold it is so much more difficult.
    I love my energy from exercise but for weeks now I have felt like a slug.
    I was given a tracker for Christmas but so far I cannot get it to work.

    Is your fit bit easy to use. I wish I knew someone who has a fit bit I will look it up and see what it is like.
    In the meantime get positive, that will give you energy. Go for it. Pat in Maine . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2128 days ago
  • LESLIESENIOR
    I'm here cheering you on, at whatever place you are! I think we talked about this some time ago, but I treat myself like one of my kids with special needs when I'm lacking motivation and feeling down. I set very small goals, reward myself for tiny progress, and speak positively about myself. It is so hard to apply to ourselves all of the things that made our kids successful despite their disabilities. So here's to us both being "special" in 2015 and capable of small successes!
    Ready........Set.......Go!!!
    2128 days ago
  • CARRILU
    Oh my darling, I wrote this blog a hundred times this week and as I sit here I once again need to "restart tomorrow". I am disgusted with myself but guess what? I bought a fitbit on Friday too!!! It's going to be fun, I just know it. I'm also subscribing to some other online blogs because I have also been here since 2009 and sometimes I log on crave interaction and it's too much to ask of any one spot.We're still here sister, and we will get it done, our way, our time. emoticon emoticon
    2128 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I was going to break down and buy a Fitbit too and then I went to the only store in town that sells them and they were out. So I took that as an omen. LOL. My pedometer used to motivate me. Now nothing does. I am just hoping that my being sick of rich food and my desire to do something besides the status quo will help. I think you are on the right track. Keep trying things. Something will click.
    2128 days ago
  • VEENAS1
    I hope the wellness coach, class and Fitbit help with the motivation. Winter is an added drawback. Its hard to do things when its cold and there is bad weather.

    I got a Fitbit Zip last week. I want to start small and then maybe later next year upgrade to a different Fitbit. I want to make sure that I understand how the Fitbit app and tracking work.

    Good luck!
    2128 days ago
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