Being gentle with myself .
Friday, February 27, 2015
Before I got hurt , I had blinders on . All I wanted was peace in my life I said .
My life revolved around my work , I had no social time with anyone .I fixated on small flaws . Like my freckles on my nose , a wrinkle that wasn't there yesterday . I figured I had all the time in the world to get skinny .My weight never caused me problems . I could out work 20 year olds and did ! I lifted heavier weight the most of the men at my work , I have a relationship with a very nice man who lives in another state from me so long distance . That suited me fine . I am afraid my past marriage made me afraid . Having a long distance boyfriend meant I could turn down any offers ! Hey I am taken ! Sorry !
Then I got hurt . I had a bakers cyst which turned in to a torn meniscus and found out I have no cartilage left in my knee! Me ! The woman who could work on her feet 15 hours a day sometimes and lift and hike and belly dance ! ME !!!!!
All of a sudden those freckles and wrinkles seemed like nothing! For every extra pound of excess weight I have that's four pounds of pressure on the knees !
That long distance relationship isn't so great when you realize that he isn't there , not when you need help not when you get lonely and want someone to hold your hand and look in your eyes and tell you everything is going to be okay .
Friends who I thought would help me didn't and my boss is angry I have to take time off to heal .
But all is not lost ! Because I gained valuable insights too !
I learned that my son is not a child anymore but a man and has done more then anyone could ask to help me.
That when I helped someone and they said I was a God send and I would brush it away as though oh they are just being nice I did nothing ! I realize when someone helps you when your down or sick its a HUGE HELP ! I did help people !
I learned that I cant hide from life . I cant wait for tomorrow , I cant be afraid to use my voice and tell others what I need or what I cant do for them.
I learned that I need to be extra gentle with myself and nurse myself back to health .
I learned that all my problems didn't arise over night and they won't go away over night . To look for small progress and not beat myself up because it is small.
I also learned that there are good , good people out there for every disappointment I had in people there was someone else who cared ! Don't think you know who cares about you and who doesn't! Someone you might least expect will show kindness !
Here I am over weight and broke and not knowing the future but you know what ? I feel I can see for the first time ! I feel that this injury was a blessing , If this did not happen to me , I would just blindly continue on as I had been .
My Gran used to say " Sometimes God whispers in your ear , Sometimes he taps you on the shoulder and sometimes He just clobbers you over the head to get you to listen !
Thanks God for saying to me " SNAP OUT OF IT ! "