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I'm still not blogging I just wanted to tell you something

Friday, June 19, 2015

Ok I'm still not blogging because I said I wouldn't. 11 days of being "back on my program" that helped me lose 70 pounds (and being off it which helped me gain 60 back).

I remember when I started 5 years ago. I found spark people and it was incredibly easy. I was so ready and spark was fun and really fit me. I remember reading about people who had lost 100 pounds or more and being astonished it was possible. It gave me so much hope because my goal was to lose 111 pounds.

It was so easy, the first 50 pounds. I would read blog about people struggling and being perplexed...it was so EASY for me! I began to be concerned there was something wrong with me! Well, the struggles came, people. Oh yea they did. My determination was challenged. Life interrupted me. Back issues, knee surgery, sad things in my family...I was barely able to walk or excercise. The weight came back. Life was stressful. Like everyone's is.

I have thought a lot about how I let this happen. How I have used food my whole life to make myself feel better, how I DESERVED to eat what I wanted, how I was too BUSY to sit and have lunch and had to go do errands right at lunchtime so I was FORCED to drive through somewhere and eat crap, how I had given up SO much, I was not going to give up my DIET PEPSI in the morning too. I mean, why should I? People have coffee right? It's the same thing! I should at least be able to have that.

Well that was the first thing to go 11 days ago and you know what? I don't miss it. I FEEL better. I don't have insane sugar cravings. I'm not saying I won't have a soda, I'm just saying I am not going to have it in the morning. I don't need it, I don't want it. I'm better off without it.

I DESERVE better than I have been giving myself. I'm going to TREAT myself better than I have. I'm Fifty freaking three years old. I'm not going to pout, eat whatever because"I can do what I want" and do things because I should be able to.

You know what? It is easy right now but I know what the darkness looks like. I know where I went wrong. The way to fail is to give up. I've never given up. I never will. I always kept one foot in the light of spark people. I may have to lose some weight that I gained back, but that's ok. I'm stubborn. I'm gonna make it work for me this time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Nice to see you back again. I was reading through my past blogs and saw a comment from you that was uplifting. I wanted to see how you were doing.
    1966 days ago
    My blog is my mental health safety line... I know I waste FAR too much time in cyberspace instead of facing real-life problems, but I'm trying to be nicer to myself, avoiding that "all-or-nothing" rollercoaster.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1986 days ago
    I love that you're not blogging again emoticon
    Your candor is always so grounding, and I do enjoy hearing about your journey.

    1987 days ago
    emoticon I have been here since 2009, 6 years, and still am trying to wrap my head around how to find balance with fitness, food & my body image.
    I am happy to see you back. You do deserve to be happy & feel good!
    1988 days ago
    This is a great NOT-A-blog blog, lol! Honestly, I think that's how we all end up gaining weight. We've worked so hard, it's time to reap the rewards, right? Well, I've too much damn reaping and here I am, here we are… I felt that after I lost all that weight, I should be able to indulge once in a while and still be ok. WRONG! We've done it once, we can do it again, and I'm right with ya sister!
    1988 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    I so love this "not a blog", and you, my dear friend.
    1988 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7875431
    We ALL relate so much too. I know I do.
    "The way to fail is to give up" - WE WON"T!!!

    Loveyou Jan
    1988 days ago
    WOW. Thank you so very much for sharing. It is spot on for me. My experiences are totally different but the interesting thing is that my self talk is super similar. I deserve that I had a hard day or whatever.

    It is consistently amazing to me how much self talk plays in everything. Again, POWERFUL blog.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1988 days ago

    I spent many years (decades?) when I would drink regular, then diet, Pepsi from the time my feet hit the kitchen in the morning until I was ready for bed at night. Now I can't say how many years it's been since I've had soda of any flavor!

    1989 days ago
  • ZRIE014
    have a nice day
    1989 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.