I'm still not blogging I just wanted to tell you something
Friday, June 19, 2015
Ok I'm still not blogging because I said I wouldn't. 11 days of being "back on my program" that helped me lose 70 pounds (and being off it which helped me gain 60 back).
I remember when I started 5 years ago. I found spark people and it was incredibly easy. I was so ready and spark was fun and really fit me. I remember reading about people who had lost 100 pounds or more and being astonished it was possible. It gave me so much hope because my goal was to lose 111 pounds.
It was so easy, the first 50 pounds. I would read blog about people struggling and being perplexed...it was so EASY for me! I began to be concerned there was something wrong with me! Well, the struggles came, people. Oh yea they did. My determination was challenged. Life interrupted me. Back issues, knee surgery, sad things in my family...I was barely able to walk or excercise. The weight came back. Life was stressful. Like everyone's is.
I have thought a lot about how I let this happen. How I have used food my whole life to make myself feel better, how I DESERVED to eat what I wanted, how I was too BUSY to sit and have lunch and had to go do errands right at lunchtime so I was FORCED to drive through somewhere and eat crap, how I had given up SO much, I was not going to give up my DIET PEPSI in the morning too. I mean, why should I? People have coffee right? It's the same thing! I should at least be able to have that.
Well that was the first thing to go 11 days ago and you know what? I don't miss it. I FEEL better. I don't have insane sugar cravings. I'm not saying I won't have a soda, I'm just saying I am not going to have it in the morning. I don't need it, I don't want it. I'm better off without it.
I DESERVE better than I have been giving myself. I'm going to TREAT myself better than I have. I'm Fifty freaking three years old. I'm not going to pout, eat whatever because"I can do what I want" and do things because I should be able to.
You know what? It is easy right now but I know what the darkness looks like. I know where I went wrong. The way to fail is to give up. I've never given up. I never will. I always kept one foot in the light of spark people. I may have to lose some weight that I gained back, but that's ok. I'm stubborn. I'm gonna make it work for me this time.