Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Hello friends. It's been a long time.
Very recently, I started training for my first full marathon. This goal, for me, was the ultimate. The type of thing only superheroes accomplish. The impossible. And I was going to do it.
Four weeks into training and I quit.
I've had lower back problems for kind of a while but I've always ignored them. But the pain was persistent enough that bending to tie my shoes was difficult. And sneezing was torture. So I finally talked to my doctor about it. She agreed that x-rays were in order.
I did not expect to hear that I have L4, L5 disc disease and minor scoliosis.
And while I could maybe push through the pain and keep training, I decided to stop. And I felt like a failure.
I do not like to quit things. I do not like to be beaten by things. The entire reason I started running was because it was always something I was terrible at. And I hated to be defeated. So I forced myself to train long distance. To beat the difficult thing. I'll never run 8min miles. Heck, not even 9min miles. But I could run FAR.
Still, training for a marathon was destroying me. I was emotional before every run. Panicky, even. Worried that I'd fail. Worried that it'd take me to the brink. Worried I'd be in terrible pain afterwards. And I usually was. It stopped being fun.
So when I decided to give up the marathon goal, I was heartbroken. I felt like I was drifting. I felt like a failure.
I also felt incredible relief.
I will probably keep running. 5k or 10k distances. Maybe even half marathons on occasion. But it's time to be kind to my body.
I started PiYo yesterday. Bodyweight and flow and core strength and low impact. It'll be different for me. But I'm excited.