Sunday, November 08, 2015
I was just looking at the pic on the front of my Spark page when I was at my book signing. Wow,. Just wow. Talk about a wake up call.! I'm very happy to say that I am about 20-25 pounds less than that now...but I know: a mere "drop in the bucket". I still have not done any exercise as of yet. It's so hard to talk my hurting body into moving. I have been considering Leslie Sansone again. Is it possible? I know I could not make it through one mile. At least at first. But it would be great to have that as a beginner goal. My room in the basement is pretty crowded right now. Also my recumbent bike is down there. I could try to do that also. If I make it for five minutes it would be a miracle. I also have DVD's for chair dancing and exercise. I have every thing I need. BUt determination? Optimism? Not so sure about that. I know from past experience that, in order to really remain motivated for weight loss, I have to be exercising. I think I'm going to church today so will not work out...no time for a shower and don't want to go all sweated up. But tomorrow? Definitely. I will have to get an early start because I have a 9:00 appointment. But seeing as I normally get up at 3:00 AM, that shouldn't be a problem.
I've pretty much had a negative view of life. Would most of the time (and I hate to admit this) would just as well be dead as alive. I have always hoped for an early death as my "golden years" hold little promise for anything other than pain and blindness. So then why have I been so gung ho to follow the Eat to Live food plan and to be thinking about exercising. These are things that will just prolong my time on this Earth. Well I guess,honestly, I have no say about when I will depart from here. That is up to God and fit or not, thin or not, I cannot change his plans for me. But I DO have some control over my level of fitness and general Health. I have a LOT of diseases and diagnoses. And there is nothing I can do about that. But maybe to some degree I can have some control over my ability to enjoy my life and to prolong the time when I will finally concede to a wheelchair.
I saw a video yesterday about artificial intelligence and how it is impacting technology that can be used by blind people. And at the end of the video they showed three women running and the middle one was blind ....she was holding on to a sort of loop that was over the arm of the woman next to her. Imagine. Running when you can't see what is in front of you! You would really have to trust your running partner. But how freeing that would be!
any way. No matter what efforts i exert, I cannot divert God's plans for me. And there is comfort in that thought. Whether he wants me to exit at 55 or at 90...all i can really have a modicum of control over my fitness and thinness until that time. Of course, there are steroids and asthma. it seems like every time I get my health in order, Asthma is waiting in the wings to kick my butt. If I can keep my food choices in line, then it won't really matter the quantity....it doesn't have to defeat me.