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Day 389/ I gave up

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Sunday, January 24, 2016

I gave up yesterday.

I did.

At 1 minute and 47 seconds of my workout I turned off the DVD and sat down on the couch.

I just felt like I could not do it. I tried to weigh my reasons against this feeling and it did nothing to help. So I thought of my reflection in the mirror. I thought of how I used to feel before I gained all this weight. And then I thought of what my DD said to me a few days before. I had been debating whether or not I was going to work out, and she told me I just had to work out for my health because I have diabetes. My youngest DD with the most concerned and serious look on her face, telling me this. What more motivation do you need? I turned the video back on and got myself off the couch and pushed myself to do my best, try my hardest, and remember not to give up.

I posted that on one of my teams, true story. I truly gave up. But all it took was remembering my DD to give me the strength I needed to get to it. And while I worked out, I thought about the things that really motivate me to continue working out. My reflection in the mirror is one. I want to look in the mirror and recognize me, not go oh dear God who is that?! My children. I want to show them that hard work pays off and it is important to take care of yourself and I want to be here for them. Skinny jeans just don't motivate me. But hiking does. I miss getting out in the woods. I grew up being out in the woods every day, and now the closest I get are the trees in our back yard. Just to name a few. I want to keep these reasons close to me so that if I feel like giving up again, I have reasons to continue.

emoticon I'm up super early having some coffee to sooth my throat. I woke myself up snoring. I got so uncomfortable in bed I just had to get up. I'm hoping being up for a bit will ease the aches and I'll be able to go back to sleep in a few. It took me forever to fall asleep last night, so I have not gotten much sleep so far.

emoticon Splurged a little on my carbs yesterday, had hibachi. But I ate to allow for the extra calories/carbs so I didn't go over. I love it, but it does not love me. Since having my gallbladder out it goes straight through me. And there is no warning time, there had better be a bathroom nearby!!

emoticon Today I'm going to get my salad stuff back out. I had been enjoying salads again and hope I can get my tastebuds back in mood for salads. It really helps to cut down on my calorie intake for the day. I'm also going to get the soup back out and start munching on it again. Yum. Eating healthy never tasted so good!

emoticon I'm feeling good, no more cold. My jaw has stopped hurting so much from the oral surgery. I've been getting up early with no problem. Yup, time to get back in the workout mode! Nothing to stop me but myself and I'm getting out of my way! I've managed to keep off the two pounds I lost and am hoping for another two this week! I'm going to sit down today and do some goal setting. I need clear goals that are attainable to strive for. I know I can do this if I just keep motivated!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • THOMS1
    I think it's wonderful that your children have your back. So happy that they are so concerned for your health. Always listen to them as they have your best interests at heart as you do for them. emoticon emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • PATRICIAANN46
    There is NOTHING like our children to make us realize that we want to be in the best health possible in order to spend quality and quantity time with them.
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    1532 days ago
  • MARYJEANSL
    I'm happy for you that you were able to get back to your workout because of your DD. Awesome!
    1532 days ago
  • ARTJAC
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    1532 days ago
  • SUSIEMT
    I am so glad this was a featured post! It took me back to my sparkpeople beginnings. Learning about setting goals was so important for me. More important for me was having my sister (Thoms1) joining me on the journey. I am so glad you have your daughters to help you stay motivated. Good luck one step at a time!!

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    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12680138
    No matter what stage we are in our journey, even though I am in maintenance it can be still hard some days to be motivated to work out. You are not alone. We just have to get up and get it done. Which us what you did. Good for you.All the best.
    1532 days ago
  • GINA180847
    Life is not easy, if it was everyone would do it well. emoticon emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo CD16001900
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    1532 days ago
  • STEVIEBEE569
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    1532 days ago
  • SISTERUBU
    emoticon Loved your blog. Know you are not alone in thinking occasionally just can't do it! What a story of triumph!
    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7793680
    We all feel like giving up sometimes, but you are ahead of the challenge. You didn't give up. Good for you!
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    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15786363
    Thank you for sharing.
    Because you're a good mother, you have now the best supporters ever, your DD.
    And because you're not a quitter, you look ahead and remember why you started it 389 days ago.
    Thanks again, very inspiring for all of us.

    emoticon emoticon

    1532 days ago
  • DANNIEGEE
    Your story motivates me, thanks. I was feeling a bit lethargic but after I read your blog, I put on my walking shoes and head straight out the front door. I walked for 1.5 hours.
    1532 days ago
  • LORNE67
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  • TRAILWALKERJO54
    woot woot woot

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    one day at a time one step at a time

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    1532 days ago
  • GOING-STRONG
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    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo NONNAOF2
    I'm so glad that you dug deep to keep going. I know how it feels as though you will never get to where you need to be, but it takes a lot of work. I have arthritis and a bad back from a bad car accident many years ago, so I too felt the same way. It took me three years to get to the weight my Nutritionist wants me to be and let me tell you, my back and knees feel so much better with the weight gone! I woke up one day and said, I'm still experiencing pain, but the level went from an 8+ everyday down to a 2! That's what keeps me on track, just feeling better and making a good example for my adult children. I was 275 at my highest weight and I thought I would never get it off. It has been a long slow journey for me, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and you will too. I am so very proud of you, keep up the good work and let us know how you are doing! :-)
    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo FORDGIRL1950
    The hardest thing is starting, you should feel proud that you did accomplish over a minute. Maybe what you needed to do was switch to another dvd or activity. Getting into a rut watching the same video gets boring after a while.
    1532 days ago
  • KACEYSW
    So Proud of YOU!
    1532 days ago
  • WIGIRL74
    I can't tell you how many times I have quit... Only to restart my program days/weeks/months later. Surviving stage 4 Cancer did it for me... Really motivated me to focus more on my health (dietary & fitness needs).

    That aside, you demonstrate that it's perfectly normal to want to 'quit'... And that quitting is not an option if one wants to reach their goal(s)... This totally motivates me to continue on.

    Keep up the good work... And remember, goals are reached 1 small step at a time through time and patience.
    1532 days ago
  • NDCAROL
    Wow, this blog of yours was just what I needed today. I felt like giving up, or crying, on Saturday morning when I weighed in as I'd worked hard last week and showed up with a 2.2 pound gain. I was thinking "What's the use?"

    Hiking is something I, too, want to do again. Now that I'm retired I want to enjoy the walking paths when we go camping, rather than sit in a lawn chair reading. I've always had pretty good 'wind', but my left hip has been killing me, and it can only help to lose weight.

    So thank you for being just what I needed today! emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • GLORYB83
    I get times when I'm full of doubt and just feel like giving up! But wonderful thoughts such as you had of what your daughter said, is what keeps us going!

    Hug your daughter for me, she's really helping Mom!
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    1532 days ago
  • SKELLEY3440
    Who hasn't had those days where they just can't do it? I am just going to sit on this couch and enjoy some time to myself instead of walking the dog while having time to myself. I know I sure have!! My kids do the same thing to me. There is just no greater motivation, but sometimes it's not enough and when that happens you can combine your kid's support with SparkPeople support and hopefully that gets you through your rough patch. I'm so glad you posted this because it can resonate with SO many people! It's always nice to know you aren't the only one. I'm so glad that you were able to snap out of it, get moving, eating salads and doing healthy things. That's truly great and taking care of yourself is exactly what you have to do in order to be a good role model for your kids! emoticon emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • BONIFIANT
    Thank you for reminding us that we have all been caught in such feelings and for reminding us that the choice, while hard, is our own to make. emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • TCICHOWSKI
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    1532 days ago
  • QUARTERMASTER3
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    1532 days ago
  • OLIVINE
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    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo CHAYOR73
    emoticon on your new way of thinking, that's pretty emoticon !!
    1532 days ago
  • KATIBUG49
    I loved reading your blog, it fit my mood for the day & then helped me get it back together. Ok from the computer, ready to exercise, I will not give up on myself. No one can do this for me, only I can do it! emoticon emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • DIANNEMT
    It does sound like you know WHY you need to work out--to be around for those kids!! Hang in there--it isn't easy but you CAN do it!!
    1532 days ago
  • LGIOWA
    This sentence from you was great: Nothing to stop me but myself and I'm getting out of my way! You are an inspiration with your honestly with yourself. Thanks for sharing, and keep up your wonderful attitude!
    1532 days ago
  • SHOAPIE
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    1532 days ago
  • PEGGYO
    keep on keeping on!!
    1532 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    This blog should get everyone motivated, and what a great daughter---she is definitely getting you to stay on track. Keep pushing forward.
    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo JSUEHENRY2
    This is a very real and honest sharing ........ I wish you ongoing strength you have shown a great deal of courage and will continue to overcome more obstacles,. No I am going to stop my whining at what I don't want to do and Just Do It! Thanks.. emoticon emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    emoticon emoticon GOOD FOR YOU emoticon emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • _LINDA
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    Unfortunately, nothing in life ever worth having comes easy! Its a struggle to lose weight, its a struggle to keep it off once you do, but the best motivator has to be how good you feel when you can do anything a normal person can. Your darling daughter is your biggest cheerleader and fan and you are lucky to have her there reminding you each day how important it is to move more and eat healthy. You want to be around to see her get married and have kids.
    Keep up the great work, you can do it, one step at a time!
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    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo GREYTDOLPHIN
    If the exercises seem too tough, just push through and do what you can. I've learned to modify some that are easier for someone younger, thinner, without the same physical problems. But I've been growing stronger, slowly but surely. So will you.

    Also thanks for bringing up the problem with the no gall bladder. Mine was removed many years ago, yet no medical professional ever said a word about limiting the fat. They acted like all would be well w/o a gall bladder. This explains a lot and why I have steered away from fats. They also make me feel ill.

    Keep at it. Things will get better, slowly but surely.
    1532 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9931239
    I'm so proud of you for getting back up. My daughters have always been my greatest motivation. Keep pushing. You can do this. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1532 days ago
  • SPARKLE_NINJA
    Great job on getting back up! awesome job!!
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    1532 days ago
  • SDEHNKE
    Hang in there. I know it isn't easy. Now is the time to get a handle on this. My weight has been up and down my whole life and at 61 I'm paying the consequences for all my bad decisions. emoticon

    Suellen
    1532 days ago
  • NILLAPEPSI
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    1532 days ago
  • HIPPICHICK1
    Good to hear that you found some motivation by recalling what your DD said to you!
    I had my gallbladder out 4 years ago and I watch my fat grams very closely now. I can NOT eat more than 50 grams of fat in a day or I will be in pain the next day, or at the least, uncomfortable. Eating fat without a gallbladder is tricky. You have lost the only organ that knows what to do with that fat. Eating lots of fat in the day, or at once, is not good for your digestive organs. They don't know what to do with the fat either, so it goes thru ya! And as you know, it ain't pretty. Use the nutrition tracker to your advantage and keep close tabs on the fat you are eating. Please stop torturing your heart, liver, pancreas, stomach and intestines with too much fat, esp. from red meat. Boat loads of veggies are a great way to fill up and your body needs the nutrients, plus veggies are carbs, but ALL GOOD carbs. Bread, on the other hand, is like a poison carb, esp for those with diabetes. Have you read "Wheat Belly"? Very interesting read!
    1532 days ago
  • STARRZ1957
    Thank you for posting this. I'm glad you didn't give in and decided to keep going. I am only on my 3rd day and have already felt like throwing in the towel a couple of times. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. I've failed at it so many times. Stories like yours help me to realize that I'm not alone.
    1532 days ago
  • JIACOLO
    Great job getting yourself back on track!
    1532 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    great to see your blog featured in the Spark mail. You are a STAR today.
    1532 days ago
  • SUEARNOLD1
    emoticon You did it with some help from DD

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    1532 days ago
  • SMORSEBVR
    I feel like this sometimes
    1532 days ago
  • CFMOSS
    I don't usually say "thanks for sharing" because it seems so pat....but "thanks for sharing" because your experience is what so many of us experience and getting to the other side of "giving up" is the challenge....remembering those things that do motivate us and keep going is SO SO vital and your children are definitely worth keeping going (my children have inspired me to keep going in so many different ways over the years) So whatever it takes to keep them in front of you saying: "Go MOM" You can do it MOM"...Keep on going.
    1532 days ago
  • SCHNOOTIE
    You are amazing. I bet lots of us can identify with what you're feeling. Thank you for sticking with it and documenting your thought process. I bet your family is very proud of you. Hugs and HIGH FIVE!!!!
    1532 days ago
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