A Time For Living A Time For Grieving A Time To Admit I Am Lost
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Hit me like a rock I did so well when Charlie (my husband) passed away. Everyone was so amazed by how well I was holding up. I wasn't ready to grieve to busy trying ot do everything I had to to keep busy this way I was to busy to think about Charlie, his death me making the decision to shut life support off.
I finally burned out mid March never finished the painting in the house or the garden i started. That's when the binging started up again. Yes I said again I haven't done this in years in fact decades. I would binge back on base in the safety and privacy of my dorm room now in the safety of my home and privacy of living room. Hell the dogs will never tell on me. I came back to SP thinking this would keep my mind active.
I miss Charlie so much i could talk so freely with him he accepted me with all my short comings and faults. As I did with him. I never felt like damaged goods when I was with him.
I put my head in the sand thinking time would pass and I would carry on living never having to really deal with my feeling of him dying this grieving stuff really sucks the big one. Both physiatrist and psychologist told me I may not grieve right away it could take a few months or years.
Charlie's birthday would have been today he would have turned 46 today. I was so looking for my doctors appointment today so I could let the physiatrist know what was going on with me and how sad I am. My appointment was canceled as she will no longer be my doctor the VA is assigning me a new doctor lot of changes in the VA.
Here now I am waiting for new doctor and appointment I do have an appointment in May to talk with psychologist My meds not working as well as they were.
R.I.P Charlie my love Happy birthday you are where you wanted to be for so long.