Day 493/ Day 20 of 100
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
I did exactly what my therapist said not to do, I overdid it. Helping Aunt G may have been a great thing to do, but it has caused me a great deal of anxiety. She's been confiding in me how much money she's been spending, how she's having to do all of these returns to Jewelry TV because she spent so much. And doing things like giving me a pair of shoes, then telling me I have to pay her for them. What? So I'm talking to DH about it and he says, "I have to tell Dad about the money situation", so now I'm feeling guilty that I told him because now her older sister is going to step in and they have to try to help her... as in put her in an assisted living community. She's living in a house that all three sisters own and she has turned into a ... well a disaster zone. There are paths through the junk, but you literally can't see the floor in most places. She has my sympathy, but I see now why everyone in the family is so disgruntled with her. She takes advantage of me all the time and DH has finally come out and said he does not want me to help her any more because she wears me out so much. I feel badly, but I see his point. Even her neighbors (a very kind older couple) have stopped returning her calls because she has overused their kindness. I spent most of yesterday helping her and taking her where she needed to go, and by the time we left I felt so drained.
I'm so depressed today and I know part of it is Aunt G. The last time I told my husband something about her and he told his Mom, it got back around to her and she pulled out the tears and all the stops trying to make me feel bad about something that she had said and done. I've been told they are keeping my MIL out of it, and are going to keep me out of it as well so that Aunt G doesn't try to guilt me into anything. In the meanwhile I'm not going to see her again for a while. I know she will be upset about that, but I'm not doing well and I need to take care of me right now. It's taking everything I have to stay functioning today. I want to curl up in a ball and just sleep and sleep. My therapist warned me that this would happen if I did too much or overdid it emotionally. She was quite right.
Sorry for the rant but this is what is on my heart and mind. Aunt G needs help that I thought I could give, but I cannot. She drains me she is so negative all the time. I know she need a friend to help her and take her to her appointments, but I'm afraid it can't be me. And I feel awful for that, but my goodness I can only take so much.
I'm emotional right now and want to eat everything in sight. But I ate my chicken and rice and my green beans and broccoli. I'll have a 1/2 a sweet potato if i can't tame my sweet tooth (salt, no sugar).
Hope you are having a great Tuesday