Day 498/ Day 25 of 100
Sunday, May 22, 2016
A quarter of the way through my 100 Days and I'm not happy with my results. But I know the reason is my nutrition. I keep falling off of the wagon and having those sweets or chips or Jaffa Cakes. No more. I'm tempted to go to Starbucks because that is what I do on Sunday, but not this week. Nor the next. I'm going to stop this train. I'm doing enough that I should be just dropping the pounds, but without the nutrition to back it up, I'm not getting anywhere. I'm trying, I am, but now it is time to try harder. Say no to that extra large portion of rice. get out my scale and my measuring cups and really take charge of my portion sizes. The only foods I won't portion control are my non-starchy veggies. As long as I do not add butter or cheese to them, I can have as many carrots or broccoli as I want, as long as I do not get that overly full feeling.
I was determined yesterday. I wanted to get 5 miles in, and I did. I've been getting a measly 1 mile in for the past few days, and I missed a whole day due to not getting enough sleep. Well, last night was another one of those nights. I just could not sleep. At all. I tossed and turned till midnight (went to bed at 9:30) I feared my glucose was too high so I checked it... 150, not great but nothing to worry about. What I didn't know was that my glucose levels were rising, it was at 193 this morning. So as soon as I'm done with my coffee, it's off to get on the treadmill, to bring down my levels. I planned on getting up at 5 AM but I was stuck in this awful dream and couldn't wake up enough to get up. I woke up finally at 6 AM. I'm drinking my coffee right now and who knows what that will do to my blood sugar. So there is not getting out of exercising this morning, I have to get my level down!
I don't want to go to church. I don't feel like sitting in the car for two hours. I just don't want to. I want to stay at home and come up with meal plans and clean the house, and work out. I don't want to go. I just don't feel as welcomed there as I used to, I feel like I don't belong, and I don't know what to do about it. I love the pastor's wife, but I don't think she has time for new friends, she's very busy. And there are a few people I would like to get to know better. But on Sunday morning it is usually just me. And I feel so all alone. Being lonely in a crowded room is depressing. And there are cliques I'll never fit into unless I volunteer for certain things that i just can't volunteer for. With my anxiety and panic attacks it just would not be a good fit. It makes me sad.
So I'm going to go work out, and I'm going to try for 4-6 miles today, depending on how I am feeling. My lower back muscles are feeling it. I need to be doing my crunches and hip raises and such to get my core back in shape too, because I'm never going to get my balance back unless I work on it. There was this thin cedar tree that fell across the dry creek bed in our back yard growing up, and I was determined that I would be able to one day run across it without falling. Or at least walk across it. And I did. I practiced until my balance was good enough I could run or walk across it, change direction midway across it, and when a skinnier tree fell I dragged it over and placed it beside the one I was using and started practicing on that. I got rather good at balancing on it. I want that balance back. And I'm going to get it.