The Witching Hour
Wednesday, June 08, 2016
It's that time of day. The younger (2) has gone down for her nap and the older (5) won't be getting off the bus from PreK for almost another hour and a half.
It's that time of day when I can put my feet up, sip coffee leisurely, catch up on a show, read a magazine, ANYthing I want really, with only the tiniest twinge of guilt about the dishes waiting for me.
It's that time of day when the ice cream in the freezer calls my name. This is the time of the day that I struggle with the most, the second time of day being right after the kids go to bed.
I want to eat, not out of hunger but for the comfort. The moment, the pleasure of consuming something delicious, it belongs only to me. It's selfish. Gluttonous. I don't yet know how to fight back and overcome it.
I thought maybe I would blog about it and some power would come from that to withstand the temptation. I have nothing left to say here but I'm still typing frantically because I know as soon as I hit "Done" I will probably head to the kitchen for a coffee and a snack.
This is also the time of day when I feel utterly exhausted. The house becomes quiet and I have a chance to think about things that need to be done, projects to finish, chores to do, laundry to hang, coupons to clip, a dishwasher to fill, and if all becomes so overwhelming that I don't know where to begin and so I begin nowhere. Instead I tell myself how hard I've already worked today and that this is my chance to think just of myself for this tiny window. Ironic, I know, because in choosing to put up my feet and have a treat I'm actually doing the worst thing possible for myself.
I am waiting for the AHA moment when it all becomes clear and all the hard work feels worth it. I've experienced it before. I've put in the hard work and lost weight before, so why is it so much harder this time around?