I am again awake

Its almost 2:30 am EST and I have been awake since 4 am yesterday. Tired but my brain will not shut up. I'm losing steam. I guess you can call this past week my depression week and yet it lingers. Most people when they see the scale go down they get excited right? Not me. All I see is how much it took just to get to where I am now and wondering if I have it in me to do this every day for the 104 I still need to lose. Even if I lost 10 a month it would take me over 10 months to do so and with knowing that anxiety and stress and panic set in, hence still awake even after taking my sleeping meds an hour ago. I am hoping therapy helps me but today is a meet and great nothing really gets discussed in this session then I have to wait two weeks for another one. Well at least I have my nutritionist and PCP appointments this month. I am half way to where they want me to be for the surgery in a month, they may say I do not need it. Not sure if that is good or not. If I get the surgery it would be a lot easier on me to lose the weight because i won't be able to eat more than a cup of something pretty much. Which is all I eat now anyway. I know it seems I am rambling but you guys who read this are very encouraging and I appreciate all your support and advise. My appointment is in 10 hrs and sleep seems distant, it's going to be a very long day.