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Finding Me

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

The past couple of years a lot has happened in my life. Some good, a lot not so good. I kept telling myself life is what you make it.
I got type 2 diabetes a little over 2 years ago, I weighed over 285 + lbs then. I was upset and depressed. I realized I had to make changes in my life and I slowly did. I lost over 120 lbs because of changing how I ate and exercising. No, it was not easy.
I remember when I first started going for walks outside I got worn out in 15 minutes but now I can walk an hour without feeling worn out and want to go more.
Giving up my favorite soda for water was really hard. I was drinking 2 or more liters a day of soda. But I did it because I knew I had to choose what was more important to me, drinking my favorite soda or getting control of my diabetes.
I spent hours reading articles on diabetes, work outs, what foods were best for me to eat most of them right here on Sparkpeople.
Now I am working on accepting that the person I see in the mirror does not still weigh 285 + pounds. I am starting to see a thinner me. I am still not at my goal and have had some bouts of emotional eating the past couple of years from depression and stress. So I gain some weight and then get control of my emotional eating and get back on track and lose some again.
I know that I will one day reach my goal. emoticon the last 20 pounds seem to be the hardest to lose.
I am now working on learning to control how I handle stress and depression. I am trying to listen more to what the people around me say and what they need. People like my mom, who always seems to see things differently than me. I am learning to look at how she sees and realize even if I don't agree that doesn't really matter and I don't have to express my opinion. If what she sees or does isn't harmful to her and makes her happy then why should I disagree with her and cause an argument over it that causes us both to say things we later regret. I am realizing it is easier for us both if I keep my opinions to myself unless asked and then try to be supportive.
I am learning to listen to my friend of over 20 years, sometimes people don't speak with words. He has lost both of his parents in the past year and a half and found out he has type 2 diabetes also in the past year. I tried to help him with his diabetes by telling him what to eat, helping to plan his meals but could not get him to exercise. I forgot a very important fact of life, you can't make someone do what you want them to do even if you think it is the best thing for them. They have to want to make changes for their self first. I still helped him plan his meals but began to tell him what I thought only when asked and to invite him to go for walks with me, if he went fine, if not I still went. Once he saw the benefits of exercising in his glucose levels getting lower he began to suggest us taking walks.
I am trying to find a peace and serenity in my own life. To find a balance where I deal with whatever life gives me in a positive way and to not let negative thoughts, emotions or words cause me to feel depressed or stressed out.
My entire life since I was a small child I have heard 2 things said constantly about myself by other people who love me, One was my mouth would get me into trouble and the other that I would be late to my own funeral. I know what was said to me was said out of love and out of a desire to make me change but actually it just reinforced negative images of myself which I continued on because I believed that was who I was. Without realizing it, I was letting people write the script of my life with their words. Now I am trying to write my own script and become the me I want to be.
Sparkpeople and my friends here have helped me to lose weight, to realize I could workout, and that I can be encouraging and help others on their journey here and off line too. Sparkpeople helped me to learn about emotional and stress eating and ways to overcome them. My friends here have supported me through some hard times and I hope I have helped them as well.
I am a very different person than I was 2 years ago.
I may have a long way to go but I have faith that I will become the me I want and need to be as I continue my journey here and off line.
Have a Very Beautiful, emoticon & Healthy Day!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LINDA!
    You are so amazing. Pat yourself on the back.....this is such a tremendous weight loss. You are a beautiful person. I hope that soon you will see yourself in that light. emoticon
    1667 days ago
    Wow! I spend a lot of time with motivational sayings and blogs which reinforce the idea that we are SO susceptible to words...and I have found that I need to change the words that I say to myself...."if anything is lovely, good, etc...." - I KNOW I am paraphrasing it incorrectly, but even the books that I read cannot be "dark".

    1668 days ago
  • COOP9002
    Blessings upon you as you walk this road. Thanks for sharing.
    1671 days ago
    emoticon emoticon What an emoticon Blog!

    Thank you for sharing your story and summing up your new knowledge...you have some wonderful insights in this.
    1671 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.