Sunday, June 26, 2016
As I am gearing myself up for my ankle fusion surgery next week (next WEEK???!!) I am thinking that maybe I should come up with some goals or maybe some motivational statements that will keep me from losing motivation altogether. How about the old Virginia Slims ads: "You've come a long way baby!" Yes. I have and quitting smoking 21 years ago this month was a big part of my initial drive to get healthy. But now what? Now what can I focus on....how can I maintain encouragement? Forward Drive.
I think that the first --and the biggest challenge I face is pain. I have an aggressive case of Psoriatic Arthritis and pain beyond belief is a part of my daily experience. The surgeries I am about to go through (ankle fusions which will fix my ankles at 90 degrees) will eventually, HOPEFULLY, reduce the screaming pain I'm in with every step I take. But first, they will increase my pain until the bones heal. So I kind of have to maintain a future mindset and not pay so much attention to the present. Then of course,will come my shoulder, elbows knees, and spine./. ach. There are just endless body parts waiting to mess me up. I'm sitting here now thinking, "Why am i doing this? I'm just postponing the inevitable." What is that inevitability? A wheelchair? Moving to an assisted living facility?
When do I raise the white flag and surrender? OR do I go down kicking and screaming?
I'm pretty resilient. And pretty stubborn. And pretty determined.
These qualities come in handy when you have a body that wants to quit.
I'm continuing my quest toward weight loss and I have been slowly losing weight. I"ll lose five pounds and gain four back. So on and so on. I have been attempting some strength exercises from my recliner and bed. bridges. double leg lifts. abduction exercises...crunches. and also Wall pushups. I should really be using my lighter dumbbells and resistance bands so maintain tone in my arms so that as I lose weight I do not have loose skin waving in the breeze. I cannot do even the chair exercising DVDs I have. Between bilateral hip replacements and current ankle pain, they just require too much modification to make it worthwhile.
So what can I do?
I can maintain optimism in the face of very discouraging circumstances. I can work at maintaining the few friendships I have remaining. I can blog and journal. I can try to creatively find ways to cook healthy meals with little effort. I can continue to "play" with my fountain pen collection....and do calligraphy. I can find little ways to love myself and to meet my body's needs for healthy food, adequate rest. I can remain hydrated. I can catch up on reading. I can work at memorizing Scripture.
So I am not out of healthy options...just have to refocus and stop thinking about all that I cannot do and look at what I CAN do. I have to look at myself as a whole person: not merely at my inability to exercise or at my urges to eat the wrong things. I am more than muscle, more than fat, more than an appetite. It's time to start feeding my spirit and my mind and try to take the focus off of things I've had to say "goodbye" to and off of the constant pain.
So my friends....I wish you all well and I would love it if you could stick with me in the next few weeks as I re-write "normal." God bless each of you.