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The first of three

Monday, September 19, 2016

Later this afternoon Tom and I will start the long trek to a small town about 60 southwest of us for the first event in saying goodbye to Donna, my DIL's mom. I am struggling with this for so many reasons. Crystal, my DIL, is devastated - she was very close to her mom. They talked every day at least once, sometimes more often. It will also be very hard on our grandsons - too young to completely understand what is going on. Certainly too young to loose a grandmother.

But life happens and we have to deal with it. Along with the deep sadness I feel over the loss of someone way too soon, I am also extremely anxious about having to interact with some of the people who will be there. My husband's ex-wife is a very unpleasant person and her daughter, who my husband raised from the time she was 6 months old, has made it very clear to him that she will not have a relationship with him until he divorces me. Then there's the sister to the ex-wife who married one of my husband's brothers.

These three women are a force each on their own, as a group they are impossible. Larger than life, louder than anyone - they walk in a room and take over. I'm not sure why this distresses me so much, I am totally the opposite. I am the one who stays in the background, and I like it there.

So I am going to go outside with Daisy for awhile, think happy thoughts and prepare myself for what's to come. There will be a lot of deep breathing for me!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi Kathy:

    I'm so sorry I missed this. I know you did well because you shared it with Fredie and I always see you on her page and smile! I don't know why our lives have to be exposed to toxic people especially when they are family and for some silly reason, we feel beholden to them by relationship only.

    I look at it (or at least I have started looking at it recently) like I would never allow a stranger to treat me with such disrespect so why would I allow it from so-called family.

    I think as we get older and wiser we realize that WE own our power and to allow someone else to steal and sabotage us from it is ultimately our own silly fault.

    Usually, when you refuse to interact with the trouble makers and bullies of this world they move onto their next victim as you have taken the 'fun' out of it for them. Most bullies and nasty unhappy people are true cowards in their own lives so they have to deflect that unhappiness they have with themselves onto someone with striking distance. Just move beyond the strike zone my friend. Brush them off your shoulder like the annoying dust they are! emoticon
    1354 days ago
    Kathy, as Fredie says, you are there for Crystal and Donna, not for these women. I will be thinking about you.
    1355 days ago
    Kathy…Try to remember not to give your power away to those people. Reread all the conversations we have had. These people are there for a memorial, their agenda is not to deal with you. And your agenda. To be there out of respect for Donna and her family. Period.
    1355 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/19/2016 6:00:40 PM
    I definitely understand, my husband's ex-wife is that way also. I have found the mantra "I can only control myself" to be helpful in situations like this. Best of luck!
    1355 days ago
    Oh dear, that's a rough situation all around. I hope those ladies keep well behaved given the circumstances.

    Very sorry for your DIL's loss. emoticon
    1355 days ago
    I can't tell you enough how bad I feel for you right now. Hugs going out to your DIL. The ex and the others must know your DILs Mom I take it, seeing as they are going to be there. What an aweful time for you to have to go there. Just be yourself, cool calm collected and wonderful. Deep breaths, cup of tea or coffee, more hugs for you!
    1355 days ago
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