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Am I Really Worth It???

Thursday, October 27, 2016

A few months ago, my mother put a little light blanket into our trusty washing machine. It seemed harmless. Then, within 10 minutes, we heard banging and clanging going on from the washer. After frantically pressing all sorts of buttons, we finally got the lid open to find the inside of the washing machine completely off balance and banged up.

We removed the heavily soaked blanket and proceeded to push the machine parts into place. Somehow, the damage was done.

In the following days, because of the incident, the washing machine would clang and bang and get out of balance for every load she did. Several of her clothes began to have holes in it, as if pinched in some crevice of the washer load.

Then we decided…it was still a really good machine. It’s just that it got out of balance and it needed to be repaired. So, we called in the repair man.

He came to my parents’ home and he rebalanced everything. A spring was out of place and broken, so he replaced that part. After a few minutes of working on it, the washing machine was as good as new.
When I was in college, I decided to “get healthy.”

I got up extra early to run, I attended aerobics classes in the afternoon, went to the weight room a few times a week, then I worked a very physically demanding job in the evenings. Somehow, I squeezed my classes and studying in between. Sleep was optional…when I could get it.

I lost weight and I was the lightest I’d been since middle school.

I felt happy and of great worth knowing that the scale showed me as being light. I continued on my crazy schedule, thinking I was being healthy.

I didn’t know the imbalance it created in me was damaging to my health.

You see, I had to weigh myself every day. If the scale showed that I gained even a pound, I’d get really mad at myself and proceed to get up earlier the next day, exercise more, eat less and not be satisfied until that pound disappeared.

At that time, my happiness and my self-worth was tied in to my accomplishment in weight
Fast forward to life after college.

I had always been an over-achiever. Everywhere I worked, everywhere I volunteered or contributed, I just had to do it with excellence.

If I wasn’t doing it with excellence, I became dissatisfied with myself and I kind of felt that I wasn’t good enough. Of course, I had gained weight as a result of the tremendous amount of stress which added more to my self-worth being damaged.

As it turned out, I did so much with excellence, that, when I wasn’t performing my work or anything with excellence, a lot of people expressed disappointment that I wasn’t on my game…even though what I achieved was far greater than most other people.
Fast forward to a year ago. In my forties and burnt out.

After much deliberation, I left my former work in order to be closer to home with my husband who is disabled as well as with my aging parents.

I decided to start my own home based business.

So, I went from a busy helping occupation with lots of interaction to a semi-solitary life, selling my own brand of compression foot sleeves to help those with plantar fasciitis.

Massive contrast.

I went from always worrying about accomplishing things for work projects to worrying about taking care of many more things at home.

What a change.

I went from the steady income of a job to the unsteadiness of seasons in sales.

Meh...that can be improved. ;)

You'd think I'd be unhappy...but I'm not.

You see…I feel free. Free from having to please everyone else around me. Free from having my self worth tied in to my accomplishments or my work evaluations. Free from the stress and clamor of the daily grind. Free…free…free.

Since being free…I’ve taken more time to laugh, to breathe, to listen, to enjoy life.

I realized that my worth, no matter what size or shape I’m in, no matter what weight I am, no matter what status in society I have…no matter what….I’m of infinite worth.

And that’s why I’m worth this journey of getting my health back in order. I'm worth getting myself re-balanced.

In the past, I worked on my health to feel of worth.

Now…I work on my health BECAUSE I’M WORTH IT.

And you, my friend, are of great worth, too!

It’s not WHEN you accomplish that goal that you’re of worth. Your worth is not determined by your weight or your calorie count or your dress size.


Please give yourself permission to treat yourself as such.

Cheers to you…and have an amazing week!
Happy Sparking!
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