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Day 80/ The Hardest Day/ In Honor of...

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Five years ago, my Mom passed away. It doesn't seem like 5 years. Now I know why I was in such a foul mood yesterday (and the day before...). And why a lot of things. My Mom was the most positive person I've ever met. She tried to see the glass as always half full, see the good in everyone, would spend her last $5 to buy food for a homeless family. She had her faults, but we all do.

One of the hardest things for me, is that my Mom died of undiagnosed, untreated diabetes. She went into a diabetic coma and never woke up. They discovered she had a plethora of health problems, high blood pressure, cholesterol, thyroid... but she didn't believe in doctors. Wanted to do everything the all natural way. She complained of getting dizzy the last few days we talked and I urged her to just go to a doctor, just in case. We talked on the phone almost every day. Every day. So when I didn't hear from her, she didn't answer my calls (I knew her schedule) for 3 days, I knew something was wrong, but I never thought it would be this. (this is why my friend who doesn't believe in doctors worries me so much. She has much the same health problems I do, but stopped going to doctors. As if not going would make the health problems go away)

We'd lost my oldest sister just two years before. My oldest sister and my Mom were my best friends. I spoke to them almost every day. We never ran out of things to talk about.

So me having diabetes is a scary, scary thing to me. I know, Mom's was untreated, mine is treated, but that doesn't take the scary away. It's not a rational thing, this fear, you can't reason it into going away, it just is. But I can take the best care of me that I can, as Mom would want and take care of my diabetes and monitor it like I'm supposed to, stay away from the candy...

In honor of my sister, who died of cancer, I'm going to be donating hats to the local cancer center at the clinic I go to. I just so happened to go through the cancer center on my way to the specialist yesterday and asked if they take crocheted hat donations. They do. I can't wait. I want to do it now. But I have all this Christmas crocheting to do, that must get done first. I am making 4 scarves and 7 more hats. Hats seem like they take forever because of all of the counting, you can't do a hat and watch TV. Scarves just take a long time, even with the bulky yarn I'm using. But, some of it I can only crochet at night, when the kids have gone to bed (surprises for them, they were getting jealous of me making stuff for everybody but them) so during the day, as long as I don't wear myself out and get tired of crochet, I can do a few hats. I think today I will. Mom would have loved the idea. My sister would have too. She would have cried at it being in her honor.

So that is what is going on at my house today. Lots of sadness but I'm trying to not get down. Neither of them would want me to, they were both bubbly, bright souls. I'm still in a lot of pain, but taking my pain meds so that I can work out at least. I don't know why I'm so insistent on working out, but I am. They would both be very proud of the progress I've made and be cheering me on. Must keep that in mind.

Hope you have a wonderful Sunday and have you Christmas plans all set, or close to it. I'm still waiting on a few things to finalize my Christmas plans for at the in-laws, but hopefully I'll get answers today! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Bless you for doing such a selfless thing. Your mom and your sister would be so proud. It is hard to lose a loved one to both cancer AND diabetes. Keep going and stay strong. Stay blessed! Hugs, Tanya
    1204 days ago
    The hats are a good idea and I know that most cancer patients use them because they get cold real fast. Just remember to make some for the men too. My late husband used them when he had cancer. He went on to the Lord in 2013. It is hard losing a loved one.
    1205 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    emoticon You're turning the sorrow and loss into a blessing for those patients.
    1205 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1205 days ago
    It sounds like you have taken from your heartaches something special... an empathy for others with a desire to care for yourself. Embrace your desire to workout... it's a wonderful thing. You will get through this.
    1206 days ago
  • SILVER1369
    1206 days ago
    That is a tough one. Sorry for your loss of Mom and sister. I have lost my father , two sisters and a brother- there isn't a day that I don't think about them and miss them.

    Taking hats to the cancer center is an awesome idea! What a wonderful service project!

    HUGS emoticon
    1206 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your mom and your sister. I lost by best friend (like a sister) to cancer 4 years ago. I did The Weekend To End Cancer walk for 5 years in her honour - it is a 2 day, 60 + kms walk. I would have kept doing it but they stopped having it. Knitting is a great idea! I will check out local cancer centres and see what they need. Thanks for the idea!
    1206 days ago
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