Okay Sparkpeeps I need to sit down and write out what's up with me lately now that I have some time to sit and ponder etc.!!!
Last night we went to a B-day celebration of a dance friend and had dinner and some dancing which was fun and I tried out some new firsts too! I tasted some fried calamari which I haven't tasted since I was a kid and my dad forced me to! LOL LOL LOL both forms of squid the sliced rings and tiny little octopus looking ones weren't too bad! LOL Still prob won't order and eat a bunch of it but a few bites are not detestable to me anymore! LOL BUT the biggest piece of news that I thought was a "I will never do that in a million years" is that I tried a raw oyster!!!!!!!!! AND I LOVED IT!!! I am so shocked! I think I really enjoy finding stuff like that, shocking myself with things I never thought I would like! I thought they would be slimy and chewy but it wasn't at all and I had it with a little lemon and some garlic bits stuff and it just was sooo yummy! The dance friend was like "Hey we should go find an Oyster Tasting where they have several kinds so that you can taste them all and see the differences" and I'm like HECK YEAH I so wanna do that now! LOL LOL LOL Go figure! And I enjoyed it so much I knew my husband would also so I told him and he also liked it...they are sooo not what you would think it's crazy! LOL
The bad news...even tho I was more careful than I have been with calories etc. I still ate back my hard work that I did during the week...and so that leads into...Melissa why are you needing to do hard work during the week that you shouldn't just have saved up for this occasion for instead so that it's just keeping up maintenance like a boss?
WELL...it all started I don't know how far back maybe about 6 months ago where I never really cared to get off 3lbs higher from my ideal goal weight. I have this Maintenance Deal with myself that I can reach 10lbs. before I have to face the facts and pull myself up by the bootstraps and I haven't had to do this yet in these almost 2 years...BUT just in case I ever would need to and this IS part of Life and part of Maintenance Life to have things like this in place so that you don't go beyond your fail-safe point!!! AND I'm glad I have that for myself!
Anyway I left those 3lbs there because I didn't really care, it didn't make that much of a difference it felt exactly the same as if I was at my ideal...the problem is then I have less wiggle room if things go weird! LOL AND sigh things went weird...maybe that should have been a first symptom for me so that I could do something and it kinda was but I dunno I just was going through a thing where it all felt too HARD and I just didn't WANT to do what I "needed" or "should" do so I just didn't. And yeah you can see how that attitude didn't help anything...so I started fudging here and there and being like whatever I just want to enjoy stuff I don't want to say no or to work hard to balance it etc. etc. etc.
The thing is that accompanying this is emotional stuff and I know that the emotional eating is what's getting me right now...even tho I know logically that it doesn't comfort a dang thing but just adds to more emotional turmoil!!!
So I need to start dealing with emotional stuff without turning to food...I know better than that! So what do you need when it's emotional stuff? Support...and so where do I find awesome support...of course here and I remembered how much the support of writing out blogs about what I'm going through and what I'm feeling and such really helped me feel motivated and inspired and stronger! So I need to start doing this again. In fact reading Maintainer Blogs has been what helped me do better this week so that the damage of last night is at least contained! LOL But I need to buckle down and really get down to business because I reached my 10lbs YOU MUST FACE THIS THRESHOLD!!!! This is what these thresholds are for so it's working! YAY for that right?
Which reminds me I read a cool article recently that you all might enjoy:
So the things in this article I'm going to start working on too...one of which is searching for things to be grateful for...which I am grateful for this spot I've reached being in place and I'm grateful for sparkpeople and blogging and you all! Now I'm tearing up! Hugs!
I know that I can and will be able to do this...those old feelings of doom and sliding back out of control are just not correct! I've already proven this with losing 85lbs...I've already proven that I can maintain! I've already proven a lot to myself, so no way am I going to go back to believing that crap again now! NO WAY! Tearing up AGAIN! LOL
It's nice to know I'm not alone with this, that it's normal, that it's not just me being "broken" or "doomed"...others know the feelz too. Thank you so much to each one of you who shares your own struggles and shares your support and understanding. It means a lot to me that I can come here and have this and do this.