Tuesday, January 10, 2017
I didn't want to write an I'm back post, I felt like if I did that, then I wouldn't stay. I wouldn't feel the need to use the site to it's fullest potential. I've done that before. Several times before actually. I wasn't fooling myself this time. Before I'd sign on, log a few days of eating, not fully mind you, and then off to the eating contest I'd go.
After losing 80 lbs a few years ago, with the amazing help of this site and the peeps here, I started to "fall off the wagon". It was almost 3 years before I realized I was gaining the weight back. I mean, really noticed. Throughout that time I was on and off Sparkpeople and I felt like I was a failure. I lost my drive. My thought was on other things, work, kids, husband, work....and I work at a gym!
I have been exercising, I never lost that part, but it was the eating. UGH, exercise all you want to but if you don't eat right, it just won't happen. I exercised every day and still gained weight because my eating habits were horrible.
After a few months of stress-filled holidays and eating uncontrollably I decided it was time to get serious. Last Monday I decided I'd weigh myself and as long as I wasn't over a certain weight I felt like I would be ok and I can start on a positive...but to my benefit I was not. This was it, my time to "get real".
This "get real" is an interesting feeling. I mean, I have been unable to stick with anything over the last few years, one or two days and I've bounced right back into the emotional eating, not caring attitude. This "get real" feeling is one that has had enough. I can't take the eating garbage all the time. The "get real" feeling is the honest to goodness dedication to change. And you notice it, I notice it, I feel it, it's intentional.
Right after Christmas, that Monday, I went to the store to buy vegetables. Raw, real, vegetables. Not because I wanted to diet or make a life style change but because I had eaten so many sweets I craved real foods. As I chopped the broccoli and carrots I couldn't help but eat them. They tasted so amazingly good I couldn't stop.
After that week I knew I was ready. The feeling wasn't like the last few years, it was like the beginning of my spark journey in 2010. The something needs to change feeling, like seeing my cholesterol levels increasing and being so out of shape it hurt to climb the stairs. That feeling was back, so I just knew it was time.
I began by just logging my food. Not really interacting or telling anyone that I was back. Not even sure if my friends were still on either and if they were, would they really notice I was back or believe I would even stick around this time. I was almost embarrassed to even say anything. Mainly because I was so back and forth before I was afraid to put any effort into blogs or teams. Sad almost but I was trying to be real with myself. I was afraid I wouldn't stick around.
However, the days passed and I noticed my thoughts were not like before, my choices were more intentional and I my attitude was different. This WAS different. So here I am. 1st blog of 2017.