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Day 131/ The Joy Stealer; depression

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Good morning peeps!
Today is my busy day and I'm off this morning, so guess what I'm going to do? Take the morning nice and S-L-O-W!! emoticon

emoticon I may work out, I don't think so, the last of the sinus infection is still hanging on and making it hard to breath and I'm dizzy still. Never mix dizziness with a treadmill!! But I will workout tomorrow, no excuses!

I'm so excited to buy my homeschool curriculum for the rest of the year and probably the beginning of next year. I think I've finally made up my mind on what to buy, thanks to some spark friends emoticon for some suggestions on ones I couldn't quite decide on. I feel kinds silly buying a lot of this one brand because that is the brand my friend has decided to use and I don't want to seem like I'm copying her, but I found it through research on the internet and it seems to be just what I need. I'll have to get over it. She knows I bought several books from there already because I saw hers and was like, That is just what I need! She's happy because I've promised to hand down the teacher's manual to her when I'm done with it. LOL. I should bet to buy the lot of it tomorrow. I'm getting grammar (x2), science (x2 notebooks that go with it), art (x2), a unit study on the Appalachian Trail, a Doodle Through the Bible devotional, and early American history. And really inexpensive too! I found most of it on sale, I just hope it stays on sale between now and when I can actually buy it! I shopped around different sites and some local shops that are supposedly really cheap (wrong!) and found the best deals I could.

Yesterday was a 'NOPE' kind of day. I felt awful. I didn't want to do anything, I started out feeling bad but still ready do take on the day (like today) and then I just got down and depressed and feeling awful physically. I am depressed. I'm trying to do everything I can to stop it. But I'm in that stage of depression where I just don't care. I don't. I know I need to get out of it and do what I'm supposed to be doing, but... still don't care. I have my crochet class today... don't care. But if I miss co-op (like I'm seriously wanting to) then oldest DD will miss tryouts for her play in drama and get stuck with whatever is leftover, and she really wants to be the narrator, and don't want her to miss it. So we will go. I have yet to figure out what we are doing for crochet class. I will after this cup of coffee.

Depression is a life stealer. It sucks the joy out of everything. I'm fighting it with all my might. I finally started on my paint by number - it's going to take a while. Lots of little-bitty spaces, but it is relaxing. There is a website called A Soft Murmur that you can play the sound of the ocean (no sea gulls!) and that is what my Mom used to play for me when I was sick, very relaxing. It also plays other sounds like rain with our without thunder, wind, fire, that kind of stuff. I love it. I'm going to get my yarn out and make whatever it is whe are doing for class today so I won't feel completely out of sorts for class. And I'm going to leave early enough to get some Starbucks to take with me. I know, off limits, or should be, but today I need the pick me up. I need a lot of pick me ups. I've always called coffee my little cup of happiness, and it is, I love it.

The frustrating thing about depression is the people who tell you to just buck up. Or get over it. Um, it's not that easy, at all. I have bipolar, there is an actual chemical imbalance in my brain making me this way. I can do my best to alleviate it, I'm on meds to help with it (otherwise I'd be in much worse shape) and I do things day to day like working out and painting and crochet to help. But I can't just 'pull myself up by my boot straps'. Sorry, it doesn't work that way, and people who think it is are the problem. Just because you've never experienced real depression (and be glad you have not!) does not mean you can 'fix' those of us who do. It's no sadness. It's not feeling blue. It's depression, and that is a whole different beast altogether.

So what can you do if you know someone who is suffering from depression? Now, these are just my opinions from my own experience, I'm not a doctor. Be there for them, even when they act like they don't want you there. It's not that they don't want you there, it's that they are just that depressed. The moment you stop, they will beat themselves up more. Let them know you will be back, you care for them no matter how they are, and you'll always be there for them.

I know that I'm lucky, I have a husband who tries to understand, who is there for me no matter what, has researched more than I ever have on the subject and is there for me through it all. He reminds me to shower (because when you are depressed taking care of yourself the the LAST thing on your mind), to not eat all the brownies (even though he makes them for me because I love them) to get up and do and not hide in bed all day (even though I grumble and groan) and to remember that I've not always been like this, it will go away and the sun will shine again, and I'll be okay. Things that may seem obvious, but in the sea of depression, it all gets washed away

Sorry to go on about a depressing subject, but it's what is really is on my mind because I'm going through it. It's not as bad as usual right now, and I pray it does not get any worse.

So I hope you have a good day, and remember to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Do something to pamper you today, even if it is as simple as remembering to lotion your elbows or feet. emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Hang in there. You are doing everything you are able to do. May you have sunshine to lift that mood sweetie!
    1438 days ago
    Your husband sounds like a keeper.

    Did you know that even in depression you are encouraging others? I will remember your tips of dealing with those I love who are going through this. It is hard to know if I am really helping when I feel I am being pushed away. From what you are saying I need to persist and show love consistently through it all. Hope will overcome.

    1438 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1438 days ago
  • LPORTER2015
    You are already a step ahead of depression. You are talking about and receiving positive feedback from your Spark Friends. My prayers go out to you and your husband. I pray for your strength and courage to face depression head on my friend. You got this!
    1439 days ago
    Finding the right school curriculum that is a real challenge I am glad you got that done emoticon emoticon emoticon .
    I think you will feel better once you get enough sleep it is hard to do the best job when you keep having to deal with being sick or having set backs. Get all the help you need for depression. It runs in my family and I have delt with it a time or two myself so do whatever positive steps it takes to get back to a better place. I personally think being overwhelmed and stressed plays a really big part so don't be afraid to get help and keep counting those blessings. emoticon
    1439 days ago
    To horrible depression and a feeling of xtreme sadness and despair. God Bless
    1439 days ago
    Great blog. I too can relate. I spent yesterday from 5pm to amost 1130 pm under the covers . I have anxiety which limits u and makes you feel bad because of the panic attacks out of nowhere. This leads
    1439 days ago
  • SILVER1369
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1439 days ago
    And, emoticon again.
    1439 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon I'm super sorry you have depression. No one should have it, it's the worst. You write about it exceptionally well, though. You should add that you're a good writer to the things you use to try and cheer yourself up. I hope today you feel much better!
    1439 days ago
  • no profile photo GWENNIE56
    Yes, that is depression. I've been there & can feel your pain. Hang in there...
    1439 days ago
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