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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Up for the third time tonight. Not good. I need sleep. Lack of sleep can lead to a manic episode for me. Or worse. I actually thought this sleep thing was a recent development, as in just the past few years. Nope. I have that program on FB where is shows you all your previous posts from that day (don't remember what it is called...) and I was looking at posts from over a decade ago dealing with the same sleep problem. So apparently the sleep issues have been here quite a while, I just am so tired I didn't remember it. It's so close to time for me to get up, I'm just going to stay up.

It's going to take a lot of coffee to get through today. Wednesday is my busy day too.

I am still working on my guidelines for my change in my diet. I want to be strict, but not overly so. I think if I have strict guidelines or rules, I'll be able to stick to it better. I just seem to do better knowing exactly what I can and cannot do. And I know that works best for me because of the medical weight loss program I went on. I stuck to it great because of the very strict rules. But, when I came off of it, I gained about 20 pounds. Yikes. Partially the coming off of a liquid diet, partially that I wasn't watching what I was eating or exercising.

I am forcing myself to do things. I'm tired of being depressed. I want to get back to my normal routine, I want my life back. So, no matter how depressed I am, or how tired it makes me, I'm going to do my normal Wednesday activities. It exhausts me. It takes so much more energy to do things when you are depressed. But at least I'm trying when before I was not. I can't keep letting the depression win. Giving in means I'll get more depressed. Getting up and doing things should help me get out of the depression. It's hard though. I'm having trouble keeping my concentration on any one thing, watching a show or even just writing this blog is a struggle to keep focused on it, my mind tends to blank out or go the opposite direction and I have so many thoughts I can't keep hold of just one. Don emoticon 't know if that makes sense to you, but that is what it does. Recently it has been the blanking out. Makes driving really difficult. I had panic attacks last few times I've been driving because I could not keep my focus on the road and it totally made me have anxiety, which made things worse. *sigh* I hope this depression lifts soon. It makes life so much harder.

Need to start working out too. Yesterday when I was about to get on the treadmill was when DH called saying he wanted to go out to eat so I had to hop in the shower and get ready to go. Today would normally be my day off, as it is my busy day and I don't have time. Well, I'd have time this morning as I am up so early, but with so little sleep, I need to conserve my energy.

Service dog update: We are a little over one tenth of the way there! My DD's church group has decided to have a bake sale and give the proceeds to my cause. DD told her Bible study group about me trying to get a service dog and the girls, while DD was not there, decided that that is what they wanted to do. So sweet! We are going to attempt to make black forest cupcakes for the bake sale, and banana bread. Going to make the cupcakes this week to test them out and see if they taste any good. I'm going to get in touch with the guy who is going to do the training for me and see how much it is going to take to get the puppy and have him do the testing to help pick out the puppy. Also need to see if the puppy goes home with me till a certain age, or if the puppy goes directly to him. Don't know. Got to make a list of the things I want the dog to be able to do. I want the dog to learn to fetch for sure, for exercise and fun while she is off duty. Depends on how much each thing costs, if we reach our goal that should not be a problem, though.

I'm totally wiped out. And it's only 5 AM. Today is going to be rough. A coffee day for sure.

Happy Wednesday everyone. Hope you have a great day! Thanks for stopping by my blog!!
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